repeating patterns

I curl myself inwards
on the bathroom floor
like I can hide from
the brutal honesty
I cast into the atmosphere
and set myself of fire with

I forgot to cash in my love tonight
and the soul debt grows
becomes desperate
and I would rather
weave myself into the walls
than give in to what's owed

My heart aches
and I can't face my own reflection
it's better if you don't look at me
it's better if you let me be a ghost
but you won't let me fade into nothing
and so I'm seen
and can't be unseen by your eyes

Tell me I'm a beautiful disappointment
tell me you love me anyway
tell me you forgive all these small sins
that mean nothing on their own
but together make me someone else

I don't know why you love me

So I curl myself inwards
on the bathroom floor
and curse myself for the push
of my broken vulnerability
into your hands
that leaves me always closing
the door in your face

I hide my tears like they're shameful
I hide my fears like you'll laugh
at the snapped off nerve endings
I've accidentally exposed

I find you in the darkness
wrap you up with my apologies
that I mean in this moment
and this moment only

Tomorrow is a new day
and tomorrow I'll do it all again