Where Is The Light?

Maybe my thoughts were unrealistic  
I guess I thought that getting rid of the darkness would bring happiness  
 
It hasn't  
 
I'm still not happy
I don't want to die
I want to live  
 
I think that makes it worse
Before I didn't care about happiness
Now I cant think of anything else that I want  
 
I'm so fucking bored
I feel listless
So much nothing inside
Like a part of me has been ripped away
I don't know what to do with myself  
 
I've been alone for so long
I feel, somehow, more alone than I ever have
Like I've gone through a breakup
I miss the darkness...I miss the company  
 
He was a cruel bastard
Wanted my destruction
Plotted my downfall
But he was there
He was always there  
 
For better or worse
In sickness and in health
He never abandoned me  
 
Now its all about embracing the light
Everyone tells me the light is what I need
The light will save me
The light will set me free  
 
The light is a lazy fucker
I have to chase it
I have to search it out  
 
The darkness was active
The darkness put in effort  
 
At least I knew where I stood with the darkness
Why can't the light embrace me?  
Or at least meet me half way  
 
I'm not sure who is more cruel
The darkness or the light  
 
The dark
Or
The light  
 
I just want to be happy