The Malformed Monster

Once up on a time there was a baby
Most babies are cute but this one was out-and-out ugly

The baby wasn’t morbidly obese
It was totally swollen and lumpy

One of it’s feet had 3 toes
One of its hands had 7 fingers

It’s hands were two right ones
It’s head looked oblong and distorted

Dark rings were underneath it’s beady eyes
Possibly because it never slept

It was consumed by misery
Which in this case was perfectly acceptable

A few noises came out of its mouth
Both were revolting

One was a choked burbling
This noise was made when it did something heinous

The second was a tinny screech
This noise was made when it was prohibited from doing something odious

Luckily it was incapable to walk
It would usually sit in it’s own soggy, pasty excrement for hours

Family and friends would never talk about it
If it was absolutely required to talk about it, they called it The Malformed Monster

Hazardous items were left nearby
The family always hoped that this would result in injury, preferably fatal

Unfortunately this never happened
The house was ruined

Rug and curtains, sliced & diced with knives
Furniture had enormous holes from it pouring acid

Knickknacks shot at with a gun
During the summer the family would leave it basking in the sun

Nothing would happen except for it to turn a nasty purple
The parents tried a few times to leave it on strangers doorsteps

Unfortunately the police were always nearby
One day they had an idea

They were going to go on a picnic
They went to an isolated area that the only inhabitants were mountain lions, bears, vultures & eagles

They placed it on some ledge away from them and their delicious basket full of food
Within the hour, an eagle with a wing span of 7 feet noticed it there

The eagle saw this as an opportunity, grabbed it and flew away
The eagle was able to puncture it with one or two of its claws

It was more difficult than the eagle expected
As the family were enjoying their picnic

They heard a loud explosion several miles away
Ladies & Gentleman, that was the end of The Malformed Monster

Thank Goodness!!