Who Knows...

fuck knows where ill go with this toil
i just know i need to write
im drowning in a sea of oil
vanishing out of sight
swallow that pill  by order of the doc
do they work? like fuck as like
laughs!! well  isn't that  a shock?
4th attempt at stupid meds
the ups and downs
fucking with my head
sat with packet in my hand
reading the list
so I  understand
why the fuck i feel so drained
I just want to sleep
what have I gained?
Still the door is shut to me
i cant go out
I'm still not free
still the demons come to play
inside screaming
they wont go away
I can feel the tears behind these eyes
shut the fuck up
just  smile and  lie!
you see  I cant voice my lonely  hell
the world we live in
doesn't take it well
Thats why im  here trapped in this place
 spoke up before
 they laughed in my face
been there done it never again
I'm not that stupid
i have no friends
to have what hurt you
used and abused
when it was never your fault
it leaves you confused
I never asked for any of this
yet because i'm sad
you took my kids??
now I'm trapped no end in sight
i can not leave
i have no fight
so in the end they will win
Ill die in this place
for my mental sin
He is smart he is no fool
he has his leverage
his blackmailing tool
he can do and say what he likes
playing it smart
he knows his rights
he doesn't care if i ever get well
if i ever go out
if i leave this hell
he can play the perfect Dad
and me? oh well
I'm the bitch thats bad
it feels like every one of them won
even in death
they still have their fun
i know they laugh at all my pain
sitting watching
as i cry in vain
so to them i will say this
as long as I'm here
and im with my kids
ill suffer with the pain you caused
ill keep on breathing
ill endure the wars
ill crack that smile
and hide my tears
dream the past
relive my fears
walk around half drained and dead
awake on a sofa
not in a bed
miss my angel only in my head
you cant take her from me
or the tears that i shed
ill keep on faking
and writing these rhymes
about a life I'm forsaking
you see i try
for thats all i can do
its all i have left
to see this life through...