Letter to a writer Part V

I see you got my letter. I got yours.  
 
I want to apologise for some misunderstanding. You have never made me feel like a bug in a jar. (Okay, maybe once, during a fight, and you held a lighter to my insanity, but that's not what I meant when I wrote you last).  
 
You... you make me feel like a whole person. Sometimes I wonder if you're the only one who really knows me. And I think maybe you do, in the way you do, in the way our history binds us.    
 
But I'm also not invisible anymore, not like I was when I met you, and I'm surrounded by more love now than I acknowledge. I'm just not good at accepting love.  
 
Do you remember when I said bored people are boring? I lied. I think bored people are just sad people, with lost connective... everything.  
 
I will unashamedly call people now, and say I'm bored in response to "how are you?". I'm not asking anyone to entertain me, I'm just stating a fact. Funny thing about honesty, is that everyone I know will at some point reply, yeah, me too.
 
Just to clarify, I don't think you're boring, or only call you when I'm bored. You, babe, or not babe. Let me just skip the pet names, it's weird, and calling you doofus feels more intimate than these other words we don't use. I had a point, I was trying to say something...
 
You, my not babe, are my favourite muse. You didn't just sneeze on me and now I'm infected, we've known each other longer than COVID has existed.  
 
Our not-love story could be a novel, or a movie. If I could describe us in one word, it would be, epic.
 
I do feel, though, that things got a bit blurry, when I got stoned and you happened to message me, while I was half asleep, post-fucked, happy and uninhibited. But I don't take it back. I like the idea of you thinking about my ass.  
 
Please tell me off, if I'm being too bad. Or you can...  
 
Okay, no you can't. But I like where your brain just went. Sorry, not sorry.  
 
Seriously though, maybe gag me, before I get myself in trouble.  
 
I like this version of me right now, though I'm not being a good girl.  
 
I love you.  
 
Be good. And if not, be good at it.