7:43am

4:49am    
I woke up too early    
couldn't get back to sleep    
cause I lost my PJ pants    
during the night    
and couldn't be bothered    
to get up and try and find them    
lost between the bed sheets and the floor    
   
5:56am    
Get body slammed    
by my four year old    
with the cries of    
"Mummy wake up"    
before he gets tangled    
on his way out of    
his own PJs    
and pisses on the carpet    
cause it was easier    
for him to piss in an    
over-full nappy    
than make it to the toilet    
   
6:02am    
Why does the kettle    
always take so long to fucking boil    
it's cold and all my socks    
are in the dryer on the other side    
of the house    
so it's hot coffee and cold toes    
before I drag my blankets    
to the couch    
   
7:24am    
Kiddo dropped the new heater    
and now it tings and smells    
like burning metal    
and I'm screaming about    
new things and money    
and how I can't have    
fucking anything nice    
while he looks at me    
going "no screaming"    
cause all he wanted to do    
was fiddle with the heater knobs    
and all I want is to not be cold    
and for anything to last    
more than a week    
before succumbing to    
curious hands that can't understand    
that we're supposed to look    
with eyes not hands    
   
7:29am    
I have completely lost the calm    
I didn't have to begin with    
and I'm hunting down my meds    
that I've somehow misplaced    
and can't find in the chaos    
of the kitchen    
   
And I wonder if this is what    
my mother feels like    
when she wakes up    
and breaks the dishes    
   
But that's not relevant    
cause if I don't find these meds    
I'm gonna punch a wall    
a window    
my fucking self    
I don't even know    
as I tear apart the pantry    
edging a rage filled panic attack    
that's gonna have me    
crying on the floor    
in 3...2...    
found them    
   
7:43    
Dose myself    
and pray I don't break something    
before this medication kicks in    
   
Is it too late    
to turn this day around?