Absence of Atonement

A human can only self-sabotage him or herself before redemption must prevail to place the intellect on the road to self-approval.

How can you admit to your wrongdoings and place your foot on the road to atonement in the same breath, ask for punishment for its recourse, it's kind of redundant. In order to place your mental hindrance in the past, once you acknowledge their detriment then there are two ways to that feat, either you can control them where they no longer control you or you can continue to allow them to regulate your emotions where you make more excuse where they hinder you the help you.

The only way down, my poet is to look up, in this day and age, time is of essence to be in control of your own destiny, walk your own universal path, never try to look back in the past, progress is the key to go forward, and it tells of our testimonies in our journey.

Therefore, inhale, exhale, and just go with a positive flow, what do you have to lose other than time, and at this pace it is not promised, so make it count for your presence in the now

I hope I have given you some wise food for thought for you to meditate on, enjoy your evening and have a blessed Thursday,

Love and Hugs, always.
SKC🤎

Thank you for your words. I will think on them.

It's alot to ponder, and you are humbly welcome.

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants help from us” - Rainer Maria Rilke

Everything you have been through has lead you to this point, and even if we can’t see it at the time there is method to the fkn madness. Be proud of just how far you’ve come. Nobody will ever think any less of you for that. I certainly don’t.

Take care of you.

-M

I enjoyed this read

I read or heard (hard to separate the two in my head these days) something about the difference between regret and shame. How regret is something you can learn from, make peace with, atone for, etc. But shame will keep you stuck, because it's more internalized, and defines you not as a person who did wrong, but as one who's inherently bad, so whatever progress you make, the deep down core is still bad, or in the words of your poem a "cruel being". That is not a terribly elegant way of explaining it, but that's what I've got at the moment.

We always look back at ourselves through the eyes of what we've learned since then, and those eyes can often fail to recognize that whatever tools we had or how we knew to use them determined the options in front of us. Sometimes, they seemed or felt far more limited than they might have been when taking in the larger picture via hindsight, and we judge ourselves based on the now and not the then.

You know. I was talking to someone the other day and actually came up with the same observation. I'm looking at my past self through my present self's eyes. The present me would never do those type of things or stand by while someone did. The present me would want that person to be punished for their sins. I think that's why it's so hard to forgive myself or let it go. I wouldn't absolve anyone else if they did those things so how do i absolve myself?  

What I really liked about your observation is "those eyes can often fail to recognize that whatever tools we had or how we knew to use them determined the options in front of us". I honestly find some small bit of comfort in this. I hadnt really even looked at it in that way. So, I appreciate you taking the time to comment and drop that gem on me.

I'm glad you got something out of my philosophizing. :-) It's basically my longwinded way of saying that when you only have a hammer, everything is a nail. And, also why I don't believe that hindsight is 20/20.

Forgiveness is tricky, and I'm not even sure where I started--if it was realizing that often people can be doing the best they can and still fuck up, or realizing that about myself, or some combo of both. That's all pretty hazy to be honest, and it was more a process than an epiphany. What I've also learned about forgiveness, whether of others or ourselves, is that it's not a thing that just happens and you're done. It's a thing that needs some repetition and practice for the same transgression, because you can forgive, then be reminded of the same thing, and it still hurts, and then you work on forgiveness again. It's much like grief in that way, where it comes back to remind you even after you've healed a bit and think you've processed it.

I actually hadn't put those two things together in my head that way before regarding grief and forgiveness. Sometimes, you never know what's going to occur to you when you're typing out loud.

One the major reasons why I write, besides release, is that sometimes you can provide clarity to yourself when you take the thoughts out of the jumbled screams in your mind and lay them bare.

My issue with forgiveness has always been the most troublesome when it comes to myself. I tend to hold myself to unrealistically high standards. That is also combined with this side of me that wants to suffer and feels that I deserve it. I guess I have spent so long in the dark that Im inclined to stay there.

I do appreciate you sharing your insight. Im always willing accept insight. Even if that insight may come in the form of a tough to swallow message. Id welcome any other insight you might have, either here or in any of my poems. Im smart enough to realize that we learn as we go through things and if someone is willing to share with me, during struggle some of the things they have learned, that only puts me ahead in the game.