data input does not compute

 
eventually he gave up asking me
what's on your mind
learning instead to phrase it differently
how are you feeling
it took a while for him to understand
communication can be like that
babbling back & forth
until we find common ground

thoughts for me...
are practically intangible...
...too tangled up with emotion
that chaotic kinda processing
can make it too hard to ascertain
where a track might be going
...or if it's even the right train

yeah...I know...I know
but you're a planner...
trust me...the one is fused to the other
I work out scenarios in my head
by following the guide of my feelings
how would I feel if...happened

I don't expect solutions to be perfect
...or even that the situation
will take that particular route
...too many variables at play for that level of certainty

but it gives me comfort
knowing I covered every foreseen possibility
so nothing unexpected is sprung on me
...this is key
I'm not a big fan of surprises
too many have backfired

took a lot of trial & error
me trying to articulate
while he just kept saying
no...stop...you just need to think
absolutely maddening

I generally feel my way through things
I don't know why it's so hard
leading with anything other than my heart
...but here we are

the irony...
I spend so much time in my head
just trying to make heart & mind connect
sometimes they refuse to budge
& I'm stuck
trying to add pure nonsense up

mind over heart...
...or whatever
they speak completely different languages
& I guess I'm not very bilingual