untitled

You tell me you're tired of chasing
this benzo hole
you've found yourself in
yesterday was a bad day
too many pills
and not enough escape

And honestly I didn't see
this conversation coming
didn't think you had the insight
after watching you fuck yourself
up for months now
stealing my prescription drugs
telling me you'll pay me back
you just have to get a doc
to sign off on what you need
(and you can always get
what you need)

And I want to believe
we're on the same level
of quitting this chase
we didn't mean to fall into
you first
and then me
together and alone
in this hell
we're not sure how to climb out of
though I at least can commit
to a 12 step program
and you refuse to join the cult
of The Serenity Prayer

Cause we'll never hit a meeting together
and that's fine
but I think it's funny
how you think I don't still need it
after so many years not drinking
cause I can "clearly handle"
my drinking now
cause you've never seen me drunk
never seen my curled up on the floor
with the pain of getting sober

You've never seen me at my worst

And sometimes I think you forget
that I've seen the monster in you
like two years isn't enough to move past
the way I left you
or how your sobriety
is the only reason I came back