deepundergroundpoetry.com
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Grief
At my body
How it’s grown
Aged and wrinkled
Sagging sacks
Of skin hanging
Hunched over
Half alive eyes
Trying to block out
The voices inside
Trying to avoid
Trying to withstand
My judging mind
Words in my head
Scars on my arms
And on the rest of me
Once reminded me
Not to eat
Now I have cellulite legs
Rolls on my back
Stomach’s protruding
Self control I lack
Binge eating
My worries away
Consequences
I now pay
My body will never
Be the same
Author's Note
I developed an eating disorder (restricting intake) in my early teens, and that’s when the Body Dysmorphic Disorder kicked in. My body image was always closely linked to my self harm and ED. For decades my body was the same. But now the ED has changed, into emotional binge eating. I can’t stand looking in the mirror these days.
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Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
12th May 2024 5:24pm
You are very brave for writing this and I'm so very sorry for you struggle.
I'm struggling with extreme dieting later in life.
I wish I never fell prey to society's standards of beauty in my teens.
Screwed me up for life.
Thank you for letting others know they are not alone.
I'm struggling with extreme dieting later in life.
I wish I never fell prey to society's standards of beauty in my teens.
Screwed me up for life.
Thank you for letting others know they are not alone.
2
Re: Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
16th May 2024 6:12pm
Sorry to hear of your own struggles, poetess. Yes societal beauty standards are diabolical. I hope you found some comfort in this write, thank you for your remarks.
Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
It ebbs and flows…
It took almost a lifetime to learn to step out of the all or nothing lane and walk in the gray area for a change. It is a daily struggle for some of us.
I had bulimia in my twenties and then all I did was binge eat when that ended. When I hit 305 pounds in a 4’11” body, I knew I needed help.
I admire your courage, my friend. You’re not alone. If you need to talk or just vent, you can DM me if you want.
It took almost a lifetime to learn to step out of the all or nothing lane and walk in the gray area for a change. It is a daily struggle for some of us.
I had bulimia in my twenties and then all I did was binge eat when that ended. When I hit 305 pounds in a 4’11” body, I knew I needed help.
I admire your courage, my friend. You’re not alone. If you need to talk or just vent, you can DM me if you want.
1
Re: Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
16th May 2024 6:15pm
I’m sorry to hear of your own struggles.. it sounds like you’ve been able to step away from thinking in extremes though to find the middle path. I applaud you! Thank you for reading me and for the offer of support.
Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
13th May 2024 1:05am
Your frustration is palpable; however, our bodies are not to blame for our conscious choices. On the contrary, the body is a beautiful thing that keeps working for us as long as it can, no matter how much pain it suffers, how much illness, how much neglect, no matter how we treat it. . .it carries us from here to the next place.
When we make peace with our body for blessing us with function despite how we've abused it, we will begin to heal through compassion for it. We will begin to treat it like the loved one it is. The loved one housing your spirit so that we can experience life in all its glory and pain from the choices we make.
When we make peace with our body for blessing us with function despite how we've abused it, we will begin to heal through compassion for it. We will begin to treat it like the loved one it is. The loved one housing your spirit so that we can experience life in all its glory and pain from the choices we make.
1
Re: Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
16th May 2024 6:28pm
“We will begin to heal through compassion for [our body].”
I long to reach this place. I know theoretically that my body is a divine vessel, but it’s another practice altogether to treat it that way after so many years of external and internal abuse.
I’ll be re-reading your comment for time to come; you’ve penned an uplifting perspective, sage. Thank you 🙏
I long to reach this place. I know theoretically that my body is a divine vessel, but it’s another practice altogether to treat it that way after so many years of external and internal abuse.
I’ll be re-reading your comment for time to come; you’ve penned an uplifting perspective, sage. Thank you 🙏
Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Anonymous
13th May 2024 8:56am
Oh fuck, this hits home - hard. I hear you, dear poetess.
I am never officially diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, but refused to look into the mirror (or windows) since a very young age, because I hate what I see. And I struggle (understatement) with aging too, next to binging on mainly sugars I smoke a lot. And it shows.
"Self control I lack" > it's like reading myself.
Someone once said "you didn't choose this" > it's little comfort when you're confronted with it daily, but know you're not alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing such a vulnerable write.
I am never officially diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, but refused to look into the mirror (or windows) since a very young age, because I hate what I see. And I struggle (understatement) with aging too, next to binging on mainly sugars I smoke a lot. And it shows.
"Self control I lack" > it's like reading myself.
Someone once said "you didn't choose this" > it's little comfort when you're confronted with it daily, but know you're not alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing such a vulnerable write.
1
Re: Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
16th May 2024 6:24pm
I too have never been officially diagnosed, but it is what it is, no denying it. I’m so sorry to hear of your own struggle, poetess. Many of us can relate to body image issues, and I’m glad you’ve connected with this write.
“You didn’t choose this..” - 4 little words that bear great weight. I’m comforted by this, thank you.
“You didn’t choose this..” - 4 little words that bear great weight. I’m comforted by this, thank you.
Re: Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Anonymous
17th May 2024 7:24am
Happy to hear these 4 words brought you at least some comfort. I was hoping for that, my dear 💕
1
Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
13th May 2024 10:51pm
I can understand this all too well. I applaud you for writing about your vulnerability.
1
Re: Re. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
16th May 2024 6:16pm
Thank you for commenting, I’m sorry this resonated with you and hope you find comfort knowing you’re not alone.