all about perspective...

 
 
let's talk about cowardice...shall we
I search all the time for answers
spend countless hours in self-reflection  
 
it's true...I make changes
but when it comes down to it...
I struggle just to show up
frequently I...can't  
my bed has a permanent indentation  
in the fetal position  
 
what kind of life is that...
living my existence like it's a cameo appearance  
...barely visible  
...unmemorable
walk off the scene...& poof
...forgotten
 
I was so afraid of rocking boats
I didn't even breathe
a marginal presence  
...lacking meaningful substance  
how tragic is that
 
fitting...don't ya think
that the forum I've chosen  
...is an anonymous screen
where I can't see the judgment  
...or worse
...the gaze slipping casually past me
 
& the dreams I aim to achieve  
so small to the average observer
...are everything to me
stepping stones to the next level of battle
 
...because I've earned all these scars
one reckoning at a time
sealing them with careful nurturing  
squeezing out all the ugly
 
...what would they be if I hadn't  
oozing wounds...cripplingly infected
probably still bleeding
& of those...there's still plenty
 
do you know why I spill my guts in such a public space
...accountability  
allowing shame at the consideration  
of betraying my own intentions  
...to bully the coward in me
 
keeping me on task...
thing about me...most people don't see...
once it's said...I won't go back
like a promise I can't retract
 
...so I keep it moving forward
it takes what it takes...
...comes when it comes  
some days I'm brave
...most...I feel like a catastrophic disaster
learning a lot about my mistakes  
...from simply looking backward  
taking the lesson  
& applying it to future actions
 
 
 
 
 
 
inspired by a comment from The_Darkness_Insid on my poem 'conversations with the mirror'...thank you for sharing & feeling my words