Red Flag Conflictions

I hear a sad song and burst into tears.
You’re not gone but something’s ignited my fears.
Are you buying time when you’re holding me?
Am I holding you back when you want to be free?
Searching for solace on the internet. Wondering, am I’m alone?
Or is this my imagination, active and overgrown?

Red flags of experience push and pull me back.
Pinpointing the deviations that put us off track.
Communication. Verbalizing what I can’t put into words.
It’s like singing a song in all the wrong chords.
I am crying out in anguish, and you don’t even hear.
I lay my head upon your chest, your heartbeat in my ear.

Analyzing every little touch. Is it the same as before?
Why do I feel like you don’t want me anymore?
I’ve searched for mental illnesses in case I’m afflicted.
Head over heart. Love contradicted.
But who would make this up, all these feelings inside?
Gaslighting, love misguided, emotional suicide.

Self-inflicted, self-destruction, probably not the case.
You stare off into the distance… imagining another place?
Imagining another life? Thinking of someone new?
Wanting the best for me but just not with you?
What’s the equation for letting me down softly?
Before a double life becomes too costly?

The ground is quietly rumbling. That’s why I can’t shake this away.
My body’s warning sirens wailing, “Coming is the day!”
I’ve no way to prepare and no love survival kit.
So, I’ll just keep on loving you until “This is it.”
Damn. That feels like an incredibly selfish thing to do.
When I really care more about your happiness and want the best for you.