It doesn't matter

I would tell you how i feel
But it doesn't matter
To be here in this moment
But it doesn't matter
To feel like my heart is being torn from my chest
But it doesn't matter
To be screaming on the inside not wanting to experience this death
But it doesn't matter
I could tell you how much you sharing your life with me has meant
But it doesn't matter
How the thought of living without you feels like a fate worse than death
But it doesn't matter
I can reveal to you that I am scared moreso than I have ever been in my life
But it doesn't matter
For not only myself but for you and the kids. Im terrified.
But it doesn't matter
I could say to you that im grateful and thankful to you for the grace that you have shown me during this time
But it doesn't matter
I can show you how hurt I am by the fact that I have had to watch you get ready to go out with another guy for weeks
But it doesn't matter
I could explain to you how that changed the way I see you and makes me question if I really know you like I think I do
But it doesn't matter
Perhaps I could impress upon you how much I learned from you. The fact that there are things in this world worth caring about and living for
But it doesn't matter
Maybe I could let you know that you were the most beautiful person inside and out that I had ever known.
But it doesn't matter
Your sense of humor and the way you can make me laugh even sometimes at your own expense has always been so vital and important to me
But it doesn't matter
I could try to explain to you that a connection like the one we have is a once in a lifetime thing and that many people never find that person let alone toss them aside.
But it doesn't matter
I would get on my knees and cry a million tears for our love or bleed myself dry for the sake of our love
But it doesn't matter
I could express to you how sorry I am that we both allowed things to get to this point
But it doesn't matter
That there is no excuse that we didnt act in time to save something as rare as we had
But it doesn't matter
I could make promises that you have already heard even if I really mean them this time. Even if it did take this extreme action on your part to wake me up and realize thar you and this family mean enough to me to do whatever it takes to keep us together.
But it doesn't matter
That youre right to wonder why it took me so long
But it doesn't matter
I could make excuses or give you reasons why im so frustrating. Reasons you have heard and know extremely well
But it doesn't matter
Your mind is set. You are convinced of your choice. I disagree. I think this is wrong
But it doesn't matter

It all means so much to me. The entire future is on the line

But it doesn't matter