what if...nevermind (featuring 3rdEYErising)

I'm tired of the what if game
no longer willing to play
what did what if ever fix
wondering never undid shit
& I live in reality
where change occurs only by my actions
choices & behaviors adjusted
what if is a daydream I can't afford
a shapeless creation only affected by my imagination
if...I cause it to happen
take the clay of that daydream
& mold it into what I have in mind
what if is but a prompt
a kick in the ass
only as valuable as I choose to make it
but as an idle occupation...
...it's time wasted

like what if
i copy and pasted
all of my woulda coulda shoulda's
to this here and now
would i even want it the same
as desires are tamed
i may have a different perspective
of this ongoing game
where victory and victimhood
may not look like 
what others would have expected
yet here i am...

maybe I wanted something in the past...
but when I had the chance
...I let it pass
no point now in looking back
eyes on the horizon
no revisiting history
viewed through the lens of yesterday...
...everything appears differently
rose colored or shadow shaded
our reflections romanticized or jaded
as I scan backwards
trying to determine how it could have been
would I do it another way if faced again
but today's capabilities & needs...
...might not be up to the task at hand
so what if becomes irrelevant
leading me back to the beginning
I am bored of the game