Rusty Ralph

I met him on a dancefloor
Rusty Ralph was his name
I didn’t even find him attractive
And yet I invited him in all the same

He had a shiny bald head
With slightly yellowing teeth
Overgrown nails to accompany
The chaotic grin between his cheeks

I’m pretty sure he took advantage
And became a gaslighter soon enough
Tried convincing me, it was me all along
Who tried to take him home from the gaff

I should’ve ended it much sooner
But would I listen, Of course I would not
As always, I like to push boundaries
Until I realise they’re a definite flop

Either way I tried to take it
I got swept up in his oddities
And yet by the end, it was just me stood there
Being like “but who the fuck is this creep!?”

He clipped his toenails on my bed, no joke
He only slept in his jeans, no joke
He forced me up at nine on weekends, still no joke
And he laughed when I told him to stop!

So what was once just a dance on a dancefloor
Became a strange five months of my life
Never again meet men in Rusty’s
Never again befriend men called Ralph