deepundergroundpoetry.com
Life 500
five hundred laps
till the end of our life
you quit after the fortieth
grabbing onto my tailpipe
you ride freely
four hundred fifty laps in
I finally hit my brakes
you fly off
dumbfounded
you stand and watch
slightly concerned
you latch on again
four hundred seventy
I hit them harder
making you soar
four hundred eighty
you can’t catch up
panicked now
you decide to drive again
four hundred ninety-nine
and
you expect to win the race?
© Rachel Orrick 2012
till the end of our life
you quit after the fortieth
grabbing onto my tailpipe
you ride freely
four hundred fifty laps in
I finally hit my brakes
you fly off
dumbfounded
you stand and watch
slightly concerned
you latch on again
four hundred seventy
I hit them harder
making you soar
four hundred eighty
you can’t catch up
panicked now
you decide to drive again
four hundred ninety-nine
and
you expect to win the race?
© Rachel Orrick 2012
Published 2nd May 2012
| Edited 28th Jun 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 14
reads 883
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd May 2012 9:26am
2nd May 2012 7:21pm
Anonymous
3rd May 2012 12:53pm
I absolutely just love this--adding it :-)
Peace, Miki
Peace, Miki
3rd May 2012 4:56pm
5th May 2012 00:24am
It is often thought that a race of the duration you mentioned boils doing to a single individual's determination to finish. You words here suggest at the very least a mutual relationship. Insightful write!
A one sided relationship where one wants to decide to try after it is too late.
Thank you for your comment, so true. :)
Thank you for your comment, so true. :)
5th May 2012 9:25am
5th May 2012 10:24pm
Anonymous
- Edited 8th May 2012 6:53pm
8th May 2012 6:44pm
i get it and i can relate!i love that its not your ordinary love poem completly unique,great write!
9th May 2012 6:47am
Anonymous
12th May 2012 3:16pm
This poem has echoes of the fable about the tortoise and the hare. It's nicely abstract and well-constructed. I'm not sure I can add anything, given the wholeness of the piece. The metaphor is handled cleverly, and the personalities of the central characters are conveyed in a subtle manner. Thanks for the read.
12th May 2012 11:00pm
5th Jun 2012 4:18am
5th Jun 2012 4:55am
