Poeting tragedy

I wish before you could judge
You knew my pain.
That the way I am
It wasn't really my choice
It's how I'm forced to react to the world.

I'm strange.
and that's okay
If you might not understand me
But I wish you knew my pain before you could judge me.
I'm depressed,
I'm anxious
And sometimes I do think my life would be better if I'm dead.

I carry pain
I carry hurt
And carry anger
It's not who I wanted to be,
But that's how my crucible of life made me be.

I wish you knew the weight I'm carrying before you could judge me.
Or how I tilt towards my breaking point
Simply because sometimes I feel like I'm worthless
Sometimes I feel like I'm useless
Like I'm a failure
A self deprecating loser

But before you could judge me or pity me
Just know.
I'm who I am,
The way I am
And will not die ashamed.

I know now,
You can never understand my pain.
You'll never carry my cross
But let it be what see me apart from you.