Awkward God

 
feeling the ugliness depart I am relieved
anger makes me feel worthless and it burns
it festers just under the surface
it corrupts my thinking and makes me jealous
 
I don't know the purity of this feeling
it makes me feel awful
it seems like a wasted emotion
 
so why is it I deal with it so often?
 
happy enough to just go along
then someone treats me badly and then another
I feel like the universe's whipping post
 
if I am to blame to what end?
 
there must be some flaw
that causes people to respond thusly
my Sadistic maker makes sure I know of his displeasure with me
 
using unkind words to fuck with my head
it must be nice to sit there and mess with someone smaller than you
people say he is nothing but love I think that's a load of shit
 
just look at the world
if by his hand and his design there is an awkwardness in him
an evil if you will that surely isn't divine