Formal Notice to Quit

 
This relationship has been a long and mostly happy one  
but every bed has his day and I'm sorry to say  
our nights are no longer the same  
 
You may have noticed  
I have been measuring the bedroom door  
and flicking through that catalogue  
but I'm afraid the most recent nocturnal bent spring manifestation  
was the last straw  
 
I've put up with your creaking for a long time  
and some nights it feels like I'm sleeping onboard a circling UFO
about to land in a swamp
 
Although I would hate to see you naked to the moon  
half drowned in a rusty skip full of rainwater  
I have no alternative but to ask you to vacate  
before your replacement arrives
 
You have been my Queen insatiable  
you never did later - with you it was always now  
and even stripped  
I heard your shameless call  
Come lie with me  
Come lie with me  
 
Some nights your ruffled waves could be relentless  
playing chase the pillow games until dawn  
But you knew when to cover your eyes 
through steamy passion for hours at a time  
You knew where to flinch when we jumped on you in all  
the wrong places  
 
And far from home didn't I miss your fond caress  
Shattered I called your name  
my traitor's toss and turn no substitute for you  
 
This is painful for us both  
You've always been faithfully hungry  
for a third of my life  
and the place where I moulded my dreams  
Countless times your plump and fluffy feathers  
have beckoned like a drug  
and the thought of you draped in a luscious freshly washed duvet  
intoxicates me even now  
I will never forget such scented slumber  
but I wont lie to you any more  
I've ordered a brand new double divan  
King size