deepundergroundpoetry.com
Love Letter
Letter in the morning post
Familiar handwriting
Flirtatious instruction
“Do not open till bedtime”
Placed on the pillow
to be savoured.
Later
Evening unfolds fine smooth paper
under dimmed light
Eyes move across the lines on the page
Breathing words to life
With the soundless movement of lips
Memories unfolding.
Breath of soft words on your cheek
Stirring the hair on the back of your neck
Carnal smell, singular
Clinging to sheets,
pillows,
clothes,
hair
and skin.
Remembrances of flirtatious glances
playful innuendo
days
late nights
grey early mornings
tabletops
bathroom counters
changing rooms
familiar beds.
A light press of lips
Softness masks the longing
Breathing desires
tasting of hot cinnamon and dark wine.
Words tracing the filigree of
fingers
lips
tongue
across your skin
The press of
freed bodies.
Delicious
solid
warmth.
Skin along the length of your body
Muscular solidity of arms
enveloping you
Legs twining
Kisses across bare shoulders
Playful fingers delight sensitive skin
An appealing appetizer
Alone tonight
Imagine what has been
What will be
What could be
Let your fingers follow
the familiar paths I have traced
Merge memories, nimble thoughts and dancing fingers.
Into your next letter
to me.
Familiar handwriting
Flirtatious instruction
“Do not open till bedtime”
Placed on the pillow
to be savoured.
Later
Evening unfolds fine smooth paper
under dimmed light
Eyes move across the lines on the page
Breathing words to life
With the soundless movement of lips
Memories unfolding.
Breath of soft words on your cheek
Stirring the hair on the back of your neck
Carnal smell, singular
Clinging to sheets,
pillows,
clothes,
hair
and skin.
Remembrances of flirtatious glances
playful innuendo
days
late nights
grey early mornings
tabletops
bathroom counters
changing rooms
familiar beds.
A light press of lips
Softness masks the longing
Breathing desires
tasting of hot cinnamon and dark wine.
Words tracing the filigree of
fingers
lips
tongue
across your skin
The press of
freed bodies.
Delicious
solid
warmth.
Skin along the length of your body
Muscular solidity of arms
enveloping you
Legs twining
Kisses across bare shoulders
Playful fingers delight sensitive skin
An appealing appetizer
Alone tonight
Imagine what has been
What will be
What could be
Let your fingers follow
the familiar paths I have traced
Merge memories, nimble thoughts and dancing fingers.
Into your next letter
to me.
Published 13th Jan 2024
Author's Note
I have been working on this for a while (editing and fussing about with it) and thought I needed to just post something. I have taken inspiration and motivation from a number of writers on DUP. I would appreciate helpful feedback- I don’t know if I am really done editing but have reached a point where I don’t know what else to say.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 3
comments 11
reads 393
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
13th Jan 2024 7:50am
The way you have written brings the suspense out for the letter's imagined reader quite well, building up to what I consider the poem's ciimax:
The press of
freed bodies.
Delicious
solid
warmth.
Skin along the length of your body
Muscular solidity of arms
enveloping you
Legs twining
Kisses across bare shoulders
Playful fingers delight sensitive skin
An appealing appetizer
The press of
freed bodies.
Delicious
solid
warmth.
Skin along the length of your body
Muscular solidity of arms
enveloping you
Legs twining
Kisses across bare shoulders
Playful fingers delight sensitive skin
An appealing appetizer
13th Jan 2024 8:06am
Dear S,
Thank you for reading and commenting. I am glad you felt that there was an element of suspense and a build towards a climax. I was really working to build a narrative that takes the reader on a journey - I really wanted the reader of the poem to put themselves in the position of the letter reader.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I am glad you felt that there was an element of suspense and a build towards a climax. I was really working to build a narrative that takes the reader on a journey - I really wanted the reader of the poem to put themselves in the position of the letter reader.
Certainly. A good stimulatory love letter ahead of an assignation should be "An appealing appetizer".to use your line. Your words certainly could take the reader with you.
Poets, like painters, often run into a work that is difficult to determine whether or not the piece is...done...and that's probably all the more of an issue with any free verse stylings.
I'd say this one is a solid...mission accomplished, especially since the final line comes full circle by recycling the use of the word "letter" from the beginning.
The entire work has me wanting to shop for stationary.
"Tabletops
bathroom counters
changing rooms
familiar beds"
Just those four short lines had me imagining a whole sequence of spectacular shags!
I'd say this one is a solid...mission accomplished, especially since the final line comes full circle by recycling the use of the word "letter" from the beginning.
The entire work has me wanting to shop for stationary.
"Tabletops
bathroom counters
changing rooms
familiar beds"
Just those four short lines had me imagining a whole sequence of spectacular shags!
13th Jan 2024 8:58am
Dear M,
I am not a stationary salesperson but do so love fine paper 😁. I do calligraphy so am really into paper.
Thank you for the assurance that it is “done “. I agree that in using the free verse form can be hard to find an end - I moved things around a lot. I appreciate that you found that the poem came full circle with the reference to the letter at the end - this was not really planned but seemed to fit- glad it worked.
I am not a stationary salesperson but do so love fine paper 😁. I do calligraphy so am really into paper.
Thank you for the assurance that it is “done “. I agree that in using the free verse form can be hard to find an end - I moved things around a lot. I appreciate that you found that the poem came full circle with the reference to the letter at the end - this was not really planned but seemed to fit- glad it worked.
13th Jan 2024 7:56pm
Consider it a fulfilled write. It lacks nothing. It is solid, quite rewarding to read, and lovely in its message. It carried me along splendidly.
* We all get the feeling of having to post something. I think it's that demon in our heads, that curses us to feed the poet monster inside us. And yet, we reread what we offered up, and say no no no. Not good enough. But the growl is sated for a while at least. We can always pick it up and take a pen-chisel to it later.
This is a very good write. Sit back and breathe. You did it well!
* We all get the feeling of having to post something. I think it's that demon in our heads, that curses us to feed the poet monster inside us. And yet, we reread what we offered up, and say no no no. Not good enough. But the growl is sated for a while at least. We can always pick it up and take a pen-chisel to it later.
This is a very good write. Sit back and breathe. You did it well!
13th Jan 2024 8:41pm
Dear S,
Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate that you feel it is complete and took you on a journey. I can be happy with that.
I do feel that there is a compulsion to post poems. I do quite often find myself re-reading works- sometimes I am satisfied sometimes I get the vague feeling that I have missed the imaginary mark or that something needs tweaking. It is often hard to pinpoint. I often post poems to have an end point- a sense of completion. I rarely edit or rewrite things that I have posted but may come back to the same theme or inspiration from another angle. This was inspired by Her’s poem “Deliver Me” - I don’t think it is visible at the moment on DUP. This is my second attempt at this theme.
I like your reference to “pen chisel “ at some point the pen becomes more of an instrument of destruction than creation.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate that you feel it is complete and took you on a journey. I can be happy with that.
I do feel that there is a compulsion to post poems. I do quite often find myself re-reading works- sometimes I am satisfied sometimes I get the vague feeling that I have missed the imaginary mark or that something needs tweaking. It is often hard to pinpoint. I often post poems to have an end point- a sense of completion. I rarely edit or rewrite things that I have posted but may come back to the same theme or inspiration from another angle. This was inspired by Her’s poem “Deliver Me” - I don’t think it is visible at the moment on DUP. This is my second attempt at this theme.
I like your reference to “pen chisel “ at some point the pen becomes more of an instrument of destruction than creation.
13th Jan 2024 9:49pm
13th Jan 2024 9:51pm
I'm with Styx, it really does tell a full story. You start with a letter, and your anticipation, and the joy and intimacy of uncovering the letter contents in the subject, and it closes with the anticipation of another letter. It shows the passion, intimacy, and delight in a relationship. Really nicely done.
15th Jan 2024 2:12am
Is anything ever really finished when it comes to writing. I know exactly how your feel.
I've been there many times. Feeling the need to post something but not quite confident that
it's ready for the world to see.
This poem is an example of hard work. It reads great - not over done - You opened and closed this
like a circle. How it can keep going - to the next chapter.
Be proud of yourself!
I've been there many times. Feeling the need to post something but not quite confident that
it's ready for the world to see.
This poem is an example of hard work. It reads great - not over done - You opened and closed this
like a circle. How it can keep going - to the next chapter.
Be proud of yourself!
15th Jan 2024 3:24am
Dear A,
Thank you for reading. The more I write the more the perfectionist tendencies come out, especially if I have a particular idea I want to pursue. I like that you can see the work/editing that went into it. 🌹
Thank you for reading. The more I write the more the perfectionist tendencies come out, especially if I have a particular idea I want to pursue. I like that you can see the work/editing that went into it. 🌹
