I Wish We Never

Ever since the moment I met you, I could not forget you as I am not obsessed with you though I think of you every day  
Our first conversation made me feel like a giddy kid again blossoming my mind to unfold as flowers see the sun again after a cold winters night  
You left for the bus and I wanted to cry for your immediate absence yet I can’t explain it.
I never saw myself spending time with you but there I did and am ever so grateful for what time I was given.
Ever since the moment the light caught your eyes outside doing yoga, my heart bounced and the butterflies left their cocoons.  
Cuddling listening to music on your bed just swaying with it and I want to relive that feeling with your arms around me.
The moment you kissed me…gasoline was poured into my entire being and set ablaze with blue flames of passion.  
My heart itself exhausted all oxygen and I had never felt such fear come over me that I could feel this after only 3 encounters.  
  
That is why I wish I never kissed you back.  
  
As quickly as it was lit, the fire was doused with reality that I was falling for a man that may never want me completely for you fawn over an ex that you can’t even leave behind.  
I chose to see you again and for longer this time but after some physical encounters I realized I’d never be enough for the man who could never fully want me.  
I’d upset you and I will accidentally forget your boundaries because they are so unfamiliar and different as you are so unfamiliar and different.  
Full of unusual ego…not arrogance for your ego is based in factual knowledge and understanding yet you are fully capable of harsh words, granted they’re always carried with genuine meaning.
You will always remain misunderstood because I don’t have the vocabulary to properly keep up nor the necessary will power to live unscripted in today’s world as you push me to do so.  
You’re seeing your ex and decided I was there to talk as we are still friends but I don’t want to hear it yet I didnt want to tell you that either.  
If we hadn’t kissed, you’d still be here in my mind but at least I would still question what it would feel like instead of wanting to experience that again…
I’ve thought of you every single day since I first met you and I don’t want to anymore…I can’t simply make whom I want to want me back so I will go…
My least painful option is to push you away for good so I can venture to self love and calmer waters…