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Diary Entry - Time and Conscience
Diary entry for October 14, 2023
I was browsing photos and came across this one from a year ago. I wish I could crawl into that girl’s head and give her some advice.
I would say, “You’ll soon find the love you’ve dreamed of. If you don’t control your overactive libido, you could drive him away.”
But I have driven him away. Shane is gone and I’m a 26-year-old carrying a married man’s child. Still, when I feel myself falling back toward depression, I tell myself life is worth living.
The passing of time and my conscience tell me I should bring the child of my betrayal into the world and place her up for adoption. I think it’s a girl. Nothing scientific. Only the intuition of a mother. That last sentence felt strange to type.
I was browsing photos and came across this one from a year ago. I wish I could crawl into that girl’s head and give her some advice.
I would say, “You’ll soon find the love you’ve dreamed of. If you don’t control your overactive libido, you could drive him away.”
But I have driven him away. Shane is gone and I’m a 26-year-old carrying a married man’s child. Still, when I feel myself falling back toward depression, I tell myself life is worth living.
The passing of time and my conscience tell me I should bring the child of my betrayal into the world and place her up for adoption. I think it’s a girl. Nothing scientific. Only the intuition of a mother. That last sentence felt strange to type.
Published 15th Oct 2023
Author's Note
This is based on a short diary entry from yesterday. I edited the pic from what I found last night.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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15th Oct 2023 6:34pm
My mind was drawn back to a couple of your Meditations that were posted on DUP, in which you said:
If, in due time, my purpose is the
creation of life, let me be a
mother who is still a lover of life.
You have created life, though perhaps not in the circumstance you wished. I feel giving the child for adoption would honour that respect for life. I am with you on that. An adopted child has been a blessing to many a childless couple who would otherwise be living in frustrated heartbreak.
If, in due time, my purpose is the
creation of life, let me be a
mother who is still a lover of life.
You have created life, though perhaps not in the circumstance you wished. I feel giving the child for adoption would honour that respect for life. I am with you on that. An adopted child has been a blessing to many a childless couple who would otherwise be living in frustrated heartbreak.
16th Oct 2023 6:18am
I have been following your posts. It seems that delaying a decision about terminating your pregnancy is a decision in itself. I agree with S that if you are not prepared to be a parent, adoption is a reasonable avenue. Take care of both of you.
17th Oct 2023 2:29am
