deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Secrets God Keeps
And there are reasons
we may never understand
How small we are
in the grander scheme
our place defined
by moments
faint whispers like a dream
Peering at horizons
we forget who might stare back
the secrets that God keeps
all the knowledge that we lack
Down on the beach
the waves have done their work
and left
piling pebbles at the cliff's red feet
all ordered and perfectly arranged
his storm
has kept things neat
Published 28th Sep 2023
| Edited 29th Sep 2023
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28th Sep 2023 9:49pm
Would you consider deleting those first two lines and beginning the poem with the third? What they say is implied in the rest of the poem. Leave a bit up the reader.
28th Sep 2023 10:17pm
Staring with And..... isn't normally considered cool in most writing but I wanted to convey the idea that the reader was just joining maybe even overhearing a conversation already taking place. Could be a parent responding to a child asking the dreaded why question, for instance.
It's too short already. I stopped because I felt I couldn't improve much on the tiny nugget I had at L9.
But it's fresh so I'll probably hack it to pieces at some point. For me the title will be the biggest issue.
Appreciate the feedback, Ajay
It's too short already. I stopped because I felt I couldn't improve much on the tiny nugget I had at L9.
But it's fresh so I'll probably hack it to pieces at some point. For me the title will be the biggest issue.
Appreciate the feedback, Ajay
