Conversations with my hammers

Conversations with my hammers

Me - "High guys, got a busy day today"
They – all groan
Me- “no good adopting that attitude”
Them – lump hammer says` “what’s the job”
Me -"roofing today"
Toffee hammer squeaks –“you know I’ve got vertigo and a sweet tooth
I`m so skinny I’ll never be as big as the other hammers
Me-”stop whining toffee what good would you be in the roof”
I need claw and lump and perhaps sledge.
The three hammers complain “ its freezing out there, we only do roofing in the summer
Me-"its an emergency a young lady has had some tiles blown off in the storm"
Hammers collectively- a chorus of knowing chuckles
Me-“ I spoke to ladder earlier and he`s up for it”
Me - thinking nothing worse than recalcitrant tools
The bastards would misbehave hide themselves, hammers having the power to whack you on the hand, a torture in cold weather.
I did- have some sympathy with their dissatisfaction after all they on the whole were totally reliable
Saws lost their edge chisels got blunt; screwdrivers lost their point, only the most gross mistreatment would cause a hammer to fall ill
Splits which required major surgery, unstable heads the wobbly scenario to fly off the handle.
Me “-now we’ve all got to pull together we won’t be out long and its back in the warm van”
Ball pien and mallets all chorusing together “can we come, we never get out” ball pein (of mixed gender) said” all the oil and grease makes me sick”. the mallets chimed in with a chorus of sneezes complaining about “all the wood shavings and dust”
Me – is it hammers national wellbeing day? well OK if you all behave, we`ll finish early and watch.
Tim Allen`s Tool Time box set