My Aching Bones

My bones ache with deep pain, shame, trauma, regret
Cuts deeper than just the flesh.
I can’t help at times but to relive my past.
For a short time, my heart says…. It won’t last.
It starts as early fall morning dew on the grass.
Fawn lying in the meadow, red sun shining.
Oh how this beauty fades so fast
I wish I could go back.

For a short time, my heart is content.
It’s  a deceiver, as it becomes evident.
The leaves have fallen, now it is winter.
My heart has become cold, dark and malevolent.
It fades fast away from my fall day.
Taking me places that I will never say.
Mountains of pain and shame and others my heart cannot contain.
They cast shadows upon my darkest hours never lettings them melting away.
For here my heart wants to stay.
I want to go back to my fall morning; the red horizon isn’t that far away.
My heart then reminds me, how fast the leaves change.
Maybe only for now I will stay.