Loose Handle

"I'm a little teapot," blah blah blah. You are also one  
sick SOB. You ain't got the handle. It's loose when  
you pour. Your legs are hairy, short, and stout, just  
like Yosemite Sam. Get your sorry ass out from  
under my gazebo. I ain't your Shogun. You are  
traipsing a tightrope between tulips and insanity.  
BTW. Is your real name Earl Gray?