emotional price tags

 
I title myself wretched
it is with a heavy heart I weigh my accomplishments
they pale in a bruised light
bleeding epiphany in a look back
at a life full of strife

I've gained humility but it was hard won
I can still manage arrogance even still
in the moment I am content
happy enough being me
but when I total things it doesn't add up to happy

I should change
but who would I change to?

insipient greed I am selfish
I look at others and admire their qualities
and admonish myself for not carrying the same attributes

I am me, a sunflower, a weed among the brush
growing wildly out of control
I brighten the landscape at best

it is with a heavy heart I review
my personality and kindness doesn't make up for my sloth
I should be more giving
but the emotional price tags are too expensive for me
it's the getting close part that bothers me
investing more of myself than I'm willing to give

I don't know what the matter is with me
that I won't be more generous
to receive is human
to give is divine