Empty.

when i’m busy pouring life into everyone
who’s pouring back into me?
who’s filling me back up?
who’s making me whole?
who gives a fuck?
about me?
me
the one person i’ve turned my back on..
i give
give
give
give
you take
he takes
she takes
they take
that’s what life is right?
give and take?
for fuck’s sake
can i get a break?
can i get back to me?
a happy me
a healed me
not a fake smile or laugh
the real me
a me when i look in the mirror
and know exactly who i see
not just a wife
not just a mother
but ME
i’ve become such a stranger to myself
i gotta get back to me
one way or another
no place to hide
no place to think
a million thoughts on my mind
fight or flight
swim or sink
defense mechanisms kicking in
i’m fighting for my life
stuck in between a rock and a hard place
between darkness and light
between what’s wrong and what’s right
sometimes i don’t know anymore
the days became a blur some time ago
i’m not really sure
where the time goes
every day is the same routine
and i’m not one to complain
but how far do i have to go
to try and maintain
i have no one else to blame
but me
i let it get this far
it’s my fault, right?
because while i’m so busy
pouring life into others,
i never realize
until i’m empty…

- Poetic Gawdess