Butterflies

It’s not the butterflies that tell you you’re in love,
but the pain.
They’ve told me I am too young to love, or to under
stand how intense that emotion should
feel, yet when

I fight with my thoughts, I
find one conclusion and one
only. Love.

I know because I care.
It terrifies me how much I care.
And no, I am not just
another girl who thought she was in love -
8 years of back
and forth
trying to find an answer to
a question I had already answered.

I found that
we define love the way we experience it.
But I feel love was fleeting, and
made me feel unworthy,
as if not wanting to stay, was a sign
that I wasn’t meant to be loved at all.
Like I am not the type of person someone falls in love with.

I am too full of life to be half loved.
Or worse,
not loved at all.