Insomnia

 
Today is day three of restless, sleepless nights
I’ve called out of work, can’t focus, called out twice
I’ve taken my pills, but they don’t help me sleep
I’m tossing in bed, now I’m starting to weep
I’m crying and shaking, I sit down outside
Can’t control my emotions, I’m empty inside
I feel like I’m lonely, feel sad and depressed
No sleep isn’t helping, it’s all ’cause of stress
But there’s nothing in life that’s bothering me
I don’t care about me, hold my breath, count to three
I don’t care that you left, you are better off now
Episodes were too much, so I gave you your out
I do not resent you, I get why you left
You figured it out, all the lies that I kept
I gave up my writing, my hobbies, my chores
I gave up on showers and all we lived for
I would not leave the house, we’d just order take-out
I pushed you away when you tried to make out
With time and the meds, I became just a shell
A body, no soul, and I put you through hell
So here I’m alone with no reason to breathe
I’m trying so hard, but I’m what made you leave
I turn to the left and you lie by my side
I sit up, wipe away all the tears that I cried
Your lips, they are moving, I don’t hear you speak
I start hearing voices from the lack of sleep
I’m worthless, I’m useless, all things that I’m not
I didn’t deserve you or all that I’ve got
I run to the bathroom and vomit and crawl
I ask them to stop, then shout as I fall
I cower myself in the corner then wait
Relentless, they keep on, I sit and relate
As hours they pass, I give up and agree
I’m riddled by fear of where they’re taking me
I’m standing there staring at the alcohol
They urge me some more, I have no will at all
The tears they come back as I fill up the cup
Shouldn’t mix this with meds, but I don’t give a fuck
I take a deep breath, then I exhale out
They’ll leave if I sleep and of this I’ve no doubt
I jump in the shower, a sloppy, drunken mess
The tears, they blend in, I sit, cradle my chest
I lie in bed naked, pray my soul to keep
Then beg God to take me, beg him for sleep