Today is day three of restless, sleepless nights
Iíve called out of work, canít focus, called out twice
Iíve taken my pills, but they donít help me sleep
Iím tossing in bed, now Iím starting to weep
Iím crying and shaking, I sit down outside
Canít control my emotions, Iím empty inside
I feel like Iím lonely, feel sad and depressed
No sleep isnít helping, itís all ícause of stress
But thereís nothing in life thatís bothering me
I donít care about me, hold my breath, count to three
I donít care that you left, you are better off now
Episodes were too much, so I gave you your out
I do not resent you, I get why you left
You figured it out, all the lies that I kept
I gave up my writing, my hobbies, my chores
I gave up on showers and all we lived for
I would not leave the house, weíd just order take-out
I pushed you away when you tried to make out
With time and the meds, I became just a shell
A body, no soul, and I put you through hell
So here Iím alone with no reason to breathe
Iím trying so hard, but Iím what made you leave
I turn to the left and you lie by my side
I sit up, wipe away all the tears that I cried
Your lips, they are moving, I donít hear you speak
I start hearing voices from the lack of sleep
Iím worthless, Iím useless, all things that Iím not
I didnít deserve you or all that Iíve got
I run to the bathroom and vomit and crawl
I ask them to stop, then shout as I fall
I cower myself in the corner then wait
Relentless, they keep on, I sit and relate
As hours they pass, I give up and agree
Iím riddled by fear of where theyíre taking me
Iím standing there staring at the alcohol
They urge me some more, I have no will at all
The tears they come back as I fill up the cup
Shouldnít mix this with meds, but I donít give a fuck
I take a deep breath, then I exhale out
Theyíll leave if I sleep and of this Iíve no doubt
I jump in the shower, a sloppy, drunken mess
The tears, they blend in, I sit, cradle my chest
I lie in bed naked, pray my soul to keep
Then beg God to take me, beg him for sleep
Written by Diaryofabasketcase (Silvia Rosario)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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