deepundergroundpoetry.com
Monster
My sweet savage fiend hunts the folds of my soul's invite.
Morbid moans upon a jet black night.
Ferocious feral kisses, a codeine of bliss's,
devour my fears that crave entrance to the light.
The moon of my heart, a blinding euphoria
electric bright.
By mornings fragile light, he will be vanished
from human sight.
An angel turned demon embarks on a conquering
flight.
A shadowed nirvana I cannot fight.
Morbid moans upon a jet black night.
Ferocious feral kisses, a codeine of bliss's,
devour my fears that crave entrance to the light.
The moon of my heart, a blinding euphoria
electric bright.
By mornings fragile light, he will be vanished
from human sight.
An angel turned demon embarks on a conquering
flight.
A shadowed nirvana I cannot fight.
Author's Note
To be continued.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 1
comments 16
reads 214
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 4:56pm
I love “a codeine of bliss’s”
And how you ended the poem with rhyme.
Looking forward to more!
And how you ended the poem with rhyme.
Looking forward to more!
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Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 7:04pm
Thank you. I like the codeine part too. Who doesn't like codeine, lol. I tried to stick to a rhyme.
Thx for checking out
Thx for checking out
Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 5:41pm
Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 7:08pm
Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 5:47pm
Very nice. A visual and meaningful course of direction. The aesthetical punch you pack in some of these lines is really well done. Very creative metaphors, taken in an almost alchemic transition. "Ferocious feral kisses, a codeine of bliss's, devour my fears that crave entrance to the light. The moon of my heart, a blinding euphoria electric bright" - just how that's described unfolds in an experience that's relatable. but maintains your own personal depiction. As it goes to the narrative's lover leaving, the body of work ends in a captured cycle of emotion or disposition. Good job at conveying feelings and attitudes, from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing.
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Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 7:07pm
Thank you for all the feedback. You made my day. 😊
I'd like to write a continuation to this.
If I told you how I came up with this you'd laugh, story for another day.
I appreciate your comments so very much.
I'd like to write a continuation to this.
If I told you how I came up with this you'd laugh, story for another day.
I appreciate your comments so very much.
Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 7:20pm
This is very much my style and I am loving it. The care you take in crafting each line is clearly visible, which adds to the intensity of the poem. Every emotion was driven in very very deep. A fantastic write indeed!
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Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 7:40pm
Why thank you very much! I do contemplate my choice of words obsessively until it is identical to the emotion or aesthetic. I'm glad you liked it. I value your opinion very much as I love your style. Hoping there will be a part 2.
Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 8:10pm
Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 8:14pm
Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 9:09pm
It's impossible sometimes to stave off such overwhelming lust, so annoying! Nice write, love, describes the sentiment perfectly
0
Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 9:37pm
Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 9:51pm
Re: Re. Monster
28th Jun 2023 10:10pm
Re: Re. Monster
29th Jun 2023 3:56am