deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sun Goddess
Grey, it's a poor man's blue
It's my eyes, without you.
~
A window pane, revealing
through the frost of the glass
A light unknown; be known
A sun, unsurpassed
Winter held and winter chilled
as my eyes bled away all vision
But a ray of light, now in sight
touched within my prison
She laid her flower down to ground
with the moisture of my kiss
And this said sun, known but to one;
I blessed it with my tenderness
Her softest light, a touch of gold
to value all that she may handle
And with the rays, of hope and faith
it blossomed, beneath my candle
No shade of shadow, no warn of night
can brass this gold of mine
For in my hand, she laid a gem
with a flame of pure sunshine
Her warmth of heart, her touch of care
the very moment, of her awake
It soothes the creature of my dusk
when rising, beneath daybreak
And greedy, no, she takes her time
half is hers and half I dwell
In the inner cave of her muse's vice
where heaven rubs toes with hell
But rest beneath, a setting sun
tired, we hold ourselves still warm
With hands entwined, to share this time
as the goddess gets reborn.
~~~
Published 4th Jun 2023
Author's Note
Kinda a tie-in with the last one, but with rhyming thingies at the ends. Lol.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 4
comments 11
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4th Jun 2023 6:08pm
4th Jun 2023 9:04pm
6th Jun 2023 3:05am
Those first two lines were with a different write, that sucked overall. So I trashed it, but saved those lines for a better effort. So, it doesn't really fit this write, but looks shiny as a start.
Thanks y'all !
Thanks y'all !
6th Jun 2023 4:18am
Dear S,
Loved the vibe on this. It felt, for me, as though I was reading Frost or one of the masters. Just lovely imagery and people in love. Just the ticket for a weary hearted reader. Beautiful piece. H🌷
Loved the vibe on this. It felt, for me, as though I was reading Frost or one of the masters. Just lovely imagery and people in love. Just the ticket for a weary hearted reader. Beautiful piece. H🌷
7th Jun 2023 2:22am
Oops! The glitch in the matrix put my reply to you under Del's comment. (It happens when simultaneous post occur)
7th Jun 2023 1:55am
Hey Styx:)
This is a lovely add on to your other piece.
I also love the idea of a flame of sunshine. Just really cool imagery!!
All your stuff is so heartfelt you can't help but get swept away while reading.
Thanks for posting and sharing!!
This is a lovely add on to your other piece.
I also love the idea of a flame of sunshine. Just really cool imagery!!
All your stuff is so heartfelt you can't help but get swept away while reading.
Thanks for posting and sharing!!
7th Jun 2023 2:28am
Okay this is to Del. Lol.
Thanks a bunch you guitar slinging, tune sharing rock n roller!
And quiet about the heartfelt comments! Geesh! I'm a tough guy!
Rhyming ones are quite a lot for me. But I try to keep my material interesting, so sometimes yeah, do a rhymer.
Thanks for liking my output! And thank you for showing up! ;-)
Thanks a bunch you guitar slinging, tune sharing rock n roller!
And quiet about the heartfelt comments! Geesh! I'm a tough guy!
Rhyming ones are quite a lot for me. But I try to keep my material interesting, so sometimes yeah, do a rhymer.
Thanks for liking my output! And thank you for showing up! ;-)
7th Jun 2023 2:00am
Hellooo H.
These rhymes are work! Lol. I was trying for the cadence just as much as the rhymes. It turned out okay I suppose, and thank you for the compliment! But I dont see myself doing too many of these much.
Although i have made an effort to shorten up my latest writes! Lets see how long i can stick to that. Lol.
I hope you're doing good in your part of the big ol world!
These rhymes are work! Lol. I was trying for the cadence just as much as the rhymes. It turned out okay I suppose, and thank you for the compliment! But I dont see myself doing too many of these much.
Although i have made an effort to shorten up my latest writes! Lets see how long i can stick to that. Lol.
I hope you're doing good in your part of the big ol world!
9th Jun 2023 9:21pm
The sense of internal rhyme within each stanza has a kind of musical cadence that lends the whole a feeling of melancholy that is bittersweet with emotion and memory.
You consistently display great ability and comfort in your expression that is a mark of skill that is admirable.
I love the sense of the transformative throughout, gray is a poor man's blue, to brass gold, the gem of light, it all comes to life before the mind's eye.
You consistently display great ability and comfort in your expression that is a mark of skill that is admirable.
I love the sense of the transformative throughout, gray is a poor man's blue, to brass gold, the gem of light, it all comes to life before the mind's eye.
11th Jun 2023 1:52am
Daniel, sometimes your critique is more skilled than my write itself. But I'm not returning it!
I'm fighting the fear of becoming too stale with my writes, so I mix up what I post. I'm also very naive to styles, correct builds, etc. I just enjoy writing for the pure enjoyment, really.
It soothes me. And yet when someone gives me kudos for my attempts, it feeds that sense of "worth".
So thank you very much for your insightful support.
I'm fighting the fear of becoming too stale with my writes, so I mix up what I post. I'm also very naive to styles, correct builds, etc. I just enjoy writing for the pure enjoyment, really.
It soothes me. And yet when someone gives me kudos for my attempts, it feeds that sense of "worth".
So thank you very much for your insightful support.
16th Jun 2023 12:38pm
