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Another Arrow


(Shooting†Arrows†At†Future†Ghosts)
 
I†wanted†desperately†to†call†this†love,
yet†knew†it†was†circumstance.
I†wanted†to†hold†you†more
than†in†between†the†risings†of†the†moon.
But†days†split†us†in†halves;
Part†wonder†and†part†doubts.
 
Though†when†together,
I†wanted†to†open†a†window
that†faced†the†world,†and†shout
See!†Be†jealous†of†this!
And†let†everyone†look†on,
as†you†and†I†struck†a†deal.
To†poke†ourselves†over†and†over
with†Cupid's†arrow.
We'd†take†turns†brandishing†it
over†our†heads,†as†the†minor†wounds
upon†our†bodies†seeped†like†red†wine.
We,†the†saturated†sponges.
 
But,†no†arrows†felled†us.
No†birds†came†singing†love†songs
upon†our†window†bay.
We†settled†on†an†oldies†station
as†we†secretly†and†separately
wished†that†we'd†met†years†ago
and†these†could†have†been†our†songs.
 
Now†those†songs†only†bring†back
memories†of†prior†mistakes.
I†could†always†tell†which†songs
meant†something†for†you,
by†how†your†eyes†would†leave†me.
As†if†you†were†staring†at†a†ghost
on†the†other†side†of†your†pillow.
While†for†me,†maybe†some†spirit†laid
behind†me,†nudging†my†shoulder,
telling†me†not†to†mess†up†so†much
this†time.
 
If†you†ever†wonder,†then†no,
none†kissed†me†like†you†do.
None†had†a†special†way
to†make†me†recall†their†name.
Not†right†now,†not†during†you.
 
They†all†are†an†x,
like†mistakes†on†a†test,
that†I've†failed†over†and†over.
Like†old†trees†leaning†slowly,
they†groan†"Who†is†she?"
and†I†tell†them†they†will†meet†you
soon†enough.
Because†I'm†getting†you†wrong†too.
 
For†now,†they're†gone,†as†I†fluff†our†pillows.
As†I†pound†out†those†silent†times†I†had,
wishing†they†were†you.
Our†pillows†are†nothing†more
than†two†bags†of†broken†off†arrow†heads.
It's†no†wonder†we†never†properly†rest.
 
It's†summer†now.
It's†how†I†found†you,†by
removing†the†nails
and†opening†this†door
to†my†self-cell.
I'm†still†a†little†scared
to†admit†it's†my†heart.
I†swore†to†keep†it†secured,
but†we†both†know†it†didn't†work.
Too†bad†between†my†ribs
there†is†only†a†box†of†broken†things
I've†saved,†meaning†to†repair.
All†these†perforated†targets,
patched†with†masking†tape.
 
What†matters†now,†is†what†I†hold.
And†no†matter†how†treacherous
that†fear†of†falling†seems,
somehow†I'm†climbing†as†I†lay†here.
Although†when†you're†on†top,
do†you†see†my†past†splatter†around†my†head,
as†my†pillow†pulls†me†down†by†my†ears.
I†see†it†in†your†eyes†above†me,†screaming
"I†will†fuck†them†out†of†you".
 
~
 
Summer†promised†warmth,
I†knew†it†when†I†saw†you
in†that†sundress.
Yet†that†sunlight†caught†us†unprepared.
So†we†gathered†ourselves†up,
knowing†winter†will†bite†us†back
soon†enough,†for†every†shared†kiss.
It†will†turn†us†blue,†at†the†lips.
Because†goodbye†has†no†other†color,†and
because†it's†so†hard†to†remember†warmth.
 
We†may†as†well†promise†now,†not†to†miss†this,
more†than†any†other†thing†we†never†missed.
Swearing†this†isn't†love,†because
it†was†too†spontaneous.
 
Someday,†I†will†call†you†up
and†tell†you†that†I†found†another†arrow.
Hoping†you'll†be†jealous†of†me.
Even†though†perhaps
you†will†be†sitting†there,
trying†to†recall†who†I†am
after†all†the†other†arrows
that†went†through†you.
 
I'm†one†of†those†arrows,
now†stacked†behind†your†door.
Just†another†one,
that†passed†right†through†you.
 
When†I'm†alone,
I†practice†saying†I†love†you.
Just†to†hear†what†it†sounds†like
traveling†down†a†long†corridor.
It†sounds†so†much†better
when†I†keep†it†to†myself.
 
~~~
Written by Styxian
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