7 days in

My heart keeps going back and forth between sadness, grief and today I feel anger
I feel anger at you and you
At myself
At the universe
At alcohol
My mom, she means well but her tongue is sharp it always has been
The mixed signals I get from everyone around me
They support me yet judge me at the same time
It feels as if getting sober is the same as being an active alcoholic
They still look at me the same

I am patiently impatient
I have empathy which I wish I could give to others

To make them understand that although I know I hurt them I am still human and am hurting as well

To let them see inside my brain
Show them how sick I am
Rewind back in time to show them what it was doing to me when things got really bad, that I really couldn’t get back I couldn’t grab the wheel. I just got to sit and watch in the passenger seat as she destroyed me.
Now this is not to say I’m not at fault for the things that happened, I take accountability for my actions.
But it wasn’t completely me, how can one hate me when i couldn’t control it?