deepundergroundpoetry.com
WITH DEATH, LIFE IS PUNISHMENT.
WITH DEATH, LIFE IS PUNISHMENT.
What is the use of being born
if you don't stay alive for good?
The stars live long, yet they will pass.
The thought of death will wreck their lives.
The Lord has trampled that who holds
a sickle and looks like bare bones.
Where is the gain that stars live long
since if time flies, they will lose light?
My heart is with who's vanquished death
as what is good should have no flaws.
No man would like to be alive
if all will turn to useless earth.
How great is Christ, the mighty Son,
Who's stripped death of its fearful strength
to give mankind an endless life
to live the joy that has no end.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
What is the use of being born
if you don't stay alive for good?
The stars live long, yet they will pass.
The thought of death will wreck their lives.
The Lord has trampled that who holds
a sickle and looks like bare bones.
Where is the gain that stars live long
since if time flies, they will lose light?
My heart is with who's vanquished death
as what is good should have no flaws.
No man would like to be alive
if all will turn to useless earth.
How great is Christ, the mighty Son,
Who's stripped death of its fearful strength
to give mankind an endless life
to live the joy that has no end.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 23rd May 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 9
reads 211
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
"The stars live long, yet they will pass.
The thought of death will wreck their lives"
Stars have thoughts, let alone lives that can be wrecked by them?.
And what is life punishing? The Bible declares that it is a reward and something that mankind should choose.
Cue the irrelevant response to only one of these remarks.
The thought of death will wreck their lives"
Stars have thoughts, let alone lives that can be wrecked by them?.
And what is life punishing? The Bible declares that it is a reward and something that mankind should choose.
Cue the irrelevant response to only one of these remarks.
"No man would like to be alive
if all will turn to useless earth."
You keep asserting this claim without a shred of evidence to back it up or any awareness that the claim has been countered.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-meaning-in-imperfect-world/201803/does-death-render-life-meaningless
https://www.philosophyoflife.org/jpl201504.pdf
if all will turn to useless earth."
You keep asserting this claim without a shred of evidence to back it up or any awareness that the claim has been countered.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-meaning-in-imperfect-world/201803/does-death-render-life-meaningless
https://www.philosophyoflife.org/jpl201504.pdf
Hello
There was this interesting parallel in the opening stanza which compares the fleeting lives of human beings to the eternity (or what feels like the eternity) of the stars. I think looking at the natural world in this way is important to give us a sense of our own understanding in the grand scheme of things.
Just a polite suggestion for the second stanza (and you of course don’t have to listen to any of it), but I find myself stumbling on the line:
“The Lord has trampled that who holds
a sickle and looks like bare bones.”
As the second half of the stanza refers to “they” pronouns, might I suggest:
“The Lord has trampled they which hold
a sickle and look like bare bones.”
That being said, there’s something so deliciously pagan about the imagery in this stanza that I just couldn’t help but appreciate. To also consider the symbolism of the sickle with its obvious crescent moon shape is actually a nice link back to the early conversation regarding stars.
In the last two stanzas, I like how it moves from futility to eternal hope. I think it asks of us a lot of the big questions - what is our purpose, what matters to us, why are we here.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you a lovely day.
-M
There was this interesting parallel in the opening stanza which compares the fleeting lives of human beings to the eternity (or what feels like the eternity) of the stars. I think looking at the natural world in this way is important to give us a sense of our own understanding in the grand scheme of things.
Just a polite suggestion for the second stanza (and you of course don’t have to listen to any of it), but I find myself stumbling on the line:
“The Lord has trampled that who holds
a sickle and looks like bare bones.”
As the second half of the stanza refers to “they” pronouns, might I suggest:
“The Lord has trampled they which hold
a sickle and look like bare bones.”
That being said, there’s something so deliciously pagan about the imagery in this stanza that I just couldn’t help but appreciate. To also consider the symbolism of the sickle with its obvious crescent moon shape is actually a nice link back to the early conversation regarding stars.
In the last two stanzas, I like how it moves from futility to eternal hope. I think it asks of us a lot of the big questions - what is our purpose, what matters to us, why are we here.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you a lovely day.
-M
25th May 2023 10:53am
Very dear Missy,
I like your comment, which is very kind, and l accept your opinion as you are a very dear friend to me. But l have some observations.
1- l don't mean the stars are eternal although they live long. The fact that they will die bothers them and wrecks their lives though they live so long. Therefore, what shall we say with such a short life in comparison.
2- In the second stanza, l am talking about death.
"The Lord has trampled that who holds
a sickle and looks like bare bones."
Here, l mean, Jesus has defeated death, rose up, and gave Himself and us eternal life.
Then, in the following stanzas, l express my love to Jesus, Who gave us eternity, and made us free from the worry of death to enjoy the eternal life and love with Him and His Father and the Holy Spirit.
I always welcome your comments, Missy.
I like your comment, which is very kind, and l accept your opinion as you are a very dear friend to me. But l have some observations.
1- l don't mean the stars are eternal although they live long. The fact that they will die bothers them and wrecks their lives though they live so long. Therefore, what shall we say with such a short life in comparison.
2- In the second stanza, l am talking about death.
"The Lord has trampled that who holds
a sickle and looks like bare bones."
Here, l mean, Jesus has defeated death, rose up, and gave Himself and us eternal life.
Then, in the following stanzas, l express my love to Jesus, Who gave us eternity, and made us free from the worry of death to enjoy the eternal life and love with Him and His Father and the Holy Spirit.
I always welcome your comments, Missy.
"1- l don't mean the stars are eternal although they live long. The fact that they will die bothers them and wrecks their lives though they live so long.".
Stars are not sentient beings. They cannot know that they will die or be disturbed emotionally by anything, let alone a thought. And what "wrecks" their lives is entropy.
Stars are not sentient beings. They cannot know that they will die or be disturbed emotionally by anything, let alone a thought. And what "wrecks" their lives is entropy.
25th May 2023 7:44pm
Dear Baldwin,
I know that for you, Baldwin, poetry should be free from personification or any figures of speech. How can stars think or feel?
I know that for you, Baldwin, poetry should be free from personification or any figures of speech. How can stars think or feel?
"I know that for you, Baldwin, poetry should be free from personification or any figures of speech. How can stars think or feel?"
I have never said that poetry should be free of personification. And I certainly have never said that it should be free of figures of speech, especially since I have often used them and noted that what makes your submissions "all tell and no show" is that you do not.
I have said that personification should not be used to assert absurdities.
The question is "Even if stars did think or feel, isn't it absurd to say that the thought that they will die "wrecks" their lives since it obviously doesn't?". According to you, the stars have been having thoughts of their finitude for some time. But they shine as brightly as they ever have and there's no indication that their lives have been or are being wrecked..
Besides there's no indication in your text that you are personifying stars. Your statement comes off as an assertion of scientific fact.
You might also want to note that the implication of your claim that life is punishment is that it would be better for humans to never have been born, not to mention that God is cruel for giving men life.
.
I have never said that poetry should be free of personification. And I certainly have never said that it should be free of figures of speech, especially since I have often used them and noted that what makes your submissions "all tell and no show" is that you do not.
I have said that personification should not be used to assert absurdities.
The question is "Even if stars did think or feel, isn't it absurd to say that the thought that they will die "wrecks" their lives since it obviously doesn't?". According to you, the stars have been having thoughts of their finitude for some time. But they shine as brightly as they ever have and there's no indication that their lives have been or are being wrecked..
Besides there's no indication in your text that you are personifying stars. Your statement comes off as an assertion of scientific fact.
You might also want to note that the implication of your claim that life is punishment is that it would be better for humans to never have been born, not to mention that God is cruel for giving men life.
.
25th May 2023 8:45pm
Dear Baldwin,
Next time, l will write, "Be careful, Baldwin, l am going to use PERSONIFICATION."
Next time, l will write, "Be careful, Baldwin, l am going to use PERSONIFICATION."
"Next time, l will write, "Be careful, Baldwin, l am going to use PERSONIFICATION.""
Why should I be careful? The only person who needs to take care is you -- to not misuse personification - .and take a reader right out of your submissions by misusing it. You also need to question whether you are actually -- and legitimately -- anthropomorphizing, not personifying, stars.
And you have still not shown what a "wrecked" star would look like or how it would differ from an un-wrecked one, let alone that a star is or has been or even could be "wrecked" by thoughts that it is not eternal.
Why should I be careful? The only person who needs to take care is you -- to not misuse personification - .and take a reader right out of your submissions by misusing it. You also need to question whether you are actually -- and legitimately -- anthropomorphizing, not personifying, stars.
And you have still not shown what a "wrecked" star would look like or how it would differ from an un-wrecked one, let alone that a star is or has been or even could be "wrecked" by thoughts that it is not eternal.
