Men: An X-Rated Guide

The Nordics are firm  
and of godly features,  
from philtrum to pecs  
they’re carnal creatures.  
 
But Frenchmen are filth  
in ways unbeknownst.  
A Frenchman’ll cream  
and put milk on your toast.  
 
And posh British lads  
are in sodomy versed,  
it’s almost as if those lads  
have rehearsed.  
 
Spare a thought, though,  
for poor British men.  
They’ll run round the back  
and smash your doors in.  
 
So if demolishing’s what you need,  
of my biases take heed,  
forget the Nords,  
the French, and all of Eton’s horde:  
just pull down your knickers  
then sit on Mike’s gourd.