deepundergroundpoetry.com
It Goes On
A tear slips,
Common as snow,
In august.
Rain walks,
Under the desert,
Screaming, disappear.
Ocean falls,
Unapproachable sand,
Grasp on earth, a daydream.
A heart fails,
Cold and still.
No more.
Common as snow,
In august.
Rain walks,
Under the desert,
Screaming, disappear.
Ocean falls,
Unapproachable sand,
Grasp on earth, a daydream.
A heart fails,
Cold and still.
No more.
Published 8th Apr 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
9th Apr 2012 6:51pm
I like the imagery here, but I'd weed out some of the punctuation. Commas should go where you pause in reading, periods at the end of thoughts. For example, if I may:
A tear slips,
Common as snow
In august.
Rain walks
Under the desert,
Screaming, disappear.
Ocean falls,
Unapproachable sand,
Grasp on earth, a daydream.
A heart fails,
Cold and still.
No more.
A tear slips,
Common as snow
In august.
Rain walks
Under the desert,
Screaming, disappear.
Ocean falls,
Unapproachable sand,
Grasp on earth, a daydream.
A heart fails,
Cold and still.
No more.
