deepundergroundpoetry.com
From the pages of the past.
Something a bit different.Not quite a poem.Not quite prose.Just random quoting of myself from past times.I'm not sure what my purpose here it.Seems interesting to put things down in this form as random interspersed comments for myself and for others.I believe in radical honesty and openness, so fuck it! I still haven't put everything.Some things are never meant for putting out there publically on the web.
***
5/4/ 2011-These changes seem bad... we do hug.We do kiss but not so much in a day.
Intellectually,we're at much different places now.We have little to talk about- hell I feel that way about everyone these days.
6/4/2011-Everything seems to point to me and [her] being in terminal Decline :(
12/4/2011- life feels lacking in meaning or adventure.... I think me and [her] have grown apart :(
19/4/2011- We're both unhappy together & it's near the end ,I dunno.... Going to the pub later
30/4/2011- *Is it the end or can we work it out ? * ......Hanna H is like my sister.... Met a girl in Sheiks called {Alexandra} I thought I knew her and she thought she knew me
5/5/2011- all these years searching for a far off barely glimpsed moment/time/place when the peace I sought was inside of me the wholetime!... I feel more optimistic than I have been.... Been feeling lonely....I am blessed for who I know.
9/5/2011- My life feels so small.Bognor is so small......Thank god I never got with half the people I fancied.
10/5/2011- saw a girl called Alexandra who looked familiar.
14/6/2011- Feel emotionally sensitive and easily hurt tonight...People pissing me off e.g. Louise K.She's sweet but doesn't say much.It's me doing all the work in the conversation and it's very one sided.
26/6/ 2011- I wore a kilt and people commented on it and tried to lift it.
30/6/2011- yesterday 'Aunt' Lucy phoned me up.She has a brain tumour.... And And. I fucking Love life....I cannot cling to the good expecting it to not change * push away the bad hoping for it to change.Life doesn't work that way.What's guaranteed is things will change.Us and circumstances determine whether for better or worse....I haven't felt so at peace in a long long long time. My life isn't perfect(no one's is and yes it could be better) bt as it is it's pretty damn good :)
11/7/2011- Back at work today.Tues-fri 8th had 4 days off work and was in Edinburgh. Bus fares 1.30 single, 3.20 day ticket..Not much has changed in 2 yrs...I love my family.
31/7/2011- I'm breaking out of old habits.I don't need to explain everything, probably can't.You don't need grand theories.I'm much more focused on the here & now these days.I can't do everything. I am limited in all sorts of ways - one of the biggest being that I have a limited sphere of influence and limited influence to change the world.I'm pragmatic & pessimistic about political & social change.I'm positive about the small good we can do.... today has been a big day of thinking for me.
*There's a lot of value in just being an average person without fame, massive riches, non academic but smart etc. That is essentially me & I follow my dads model ( to some extent) on that.
(So I continue to ask myself ,what do I wish to do with my life)
8/8/2011 Croydon riots going on.
14/8/2011- Sunday in Brighton.Talked to cool ex-marxist at Brighton church.He's so realistic about politics and open-minded.
19/8/2011- I last felt young in April 2009.I feel like I lost my innocence too after that.
3/9/2011- Andy's party today in Littlehampton...I hate the anti-philosophic attitude that who gives a fuck about philosophy...
15/9/2011- been going out quite a bit.
25/9/2011- On way to Brighton.
Thoughts on God....
3/10/2011- Do I not aspire to anything,anymore?- doesn't feel like it... I'm actually pretty worried about climate change.. The most shocking thing I realized recently is often we don't completely understand ourselves let alone other people -----> I'm not alone in that. I think now,we can't pursue actual happiness it must spontaneously happen?
12/10/2011 wednesday- shit day.
29/10/2011 Saturday- Off to Brighton.Me and [her] broke up on monday 24th oct...Part of me is ok... another part of me is really hurt..Right now don't want sex or a relationship...
27/11/2011- I tried talking to a girl on thursday night.. couldn't find her on Facebook..she didn't seem very interested anyway.
I have to start again.
Occupy Brighton was awesome.Consensus democracy works pretty well...
6/11/2011 sunday 15:54- "She's just as bored as me"
Conservative Catholicism spreads aids- insofar as the pope supports this he acts immorally. We should care about africa as the birthplace of humanity....
9/11/2011 wednesday-showers fixed,yay.Worries about Occupy Brighton.. " Cut war not welfare"
Sunday 20/11/2011- ...Sad though that no one seems interested.. Seems kinda mean.. 'Pep talk'....
24/11/2011- ...had dream of a foreign girl..I'm worried about Occupy Brighton..Was at Littlehampton.. with the crew...Looked like shite which is a recurring theme with me recently...wouldn't let myself feel happy.
"To fuck up is to find adventure"
30/11/2011- Out at Crown,Littlehampton.Thought I was ugly later looked in mirror and I looked alright.Was in optimistic mood... I feel good and what's done is done...need to stop brooding..the engineering to create train tracks in france & london was so impressive.
4/12/2011- ...Thinking Positive... Happy! poem... I KNOW,FORGOT WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY :(
Saturday 10/12/11- Off to Occupy Brighton today.
"wrapped up in my thoughts".
I enjoyed travelling today.
To occupy Brighton.
I'll try to retain my calm but these are frustrations I've had for sometime....
.... After visiting Occupy Brighton today... I've pretty much given up on it as have others It doesn't feel homely anymore.
...Fb status' for today. Free bradley Manning you bastards. OMG! sent a card with glitter on it! evilllll ahhhhh!
Lucy died 15/11 cremated and scattered at Port Seton.
Chasing love is like chasing the wind.
Dearest Edina
Rites of passage
Sunday 25/12/2011 X-mas day- Last x-mas I had a gf & her social group not this year.. Will think of dad,Lucy & Dennis today.Sandy,sam,Judy,josh,Pete,Molly,Missy ,Hammy too. I don't like going out for x-mas much.To me it should just be family & friends round the table at home...Christmas day was good but uneventful.Meal was nice..
Friday| going to Hayleys to look at flats then going to pub.
...Happy 2012
best new years ever!
house party at natalies...
***
5/4/ 2011-These changes seem bad... we do hug.We do kiss but not so much in a day.
Intellectually,we're at much different places now.We have little to talk about- hell I feel that way about everyone these days.
6/4/2011-Everything seems to point to me and [her] being in terminal Decline :(
12/4/2011- life feels lacking in meaning or adventure.... I think me and [her] have grown apart :(
19/4/2011- We're both unhappy together & it's near the end ,I dunno.... Going to the pub later
30/4/2011- *Is it the end or can we work it out ? * ......Hanna H is like my sister.... Met a girl in Sheiks called {Alexandra} I thought I knew her and she thought she knew me
5/5/2011- all these years searching for a far off barely glimpsed moment/time/place when the peace I sought was inside of me the wholetime!... I feel more optimistic than I have been.... Been feeling lonely....I am blessed for who I know.
9/5/2011- My life feels so small.Bognor is so small......Thank god I never got with half the people I fancied.
10/5/2011- saw a girl called Alexandra who looked familiar.
14/6/2011- Feel emotionally sensitive and easily hurt tonight...People pissing me off e.g. Louise K.She's sweet but doesn't say much.It's me doing all the work in the conversation and it's very one sided.
26/6/ 2011- I wore a kilt and people commented on it and tried to lift it.
30/6/2011- yesterday 'Aunt' Lucy phoned me up.She has a brain tumour.... And And. I fucking Love life....I cannot cling to the good expecting it to not change * push away the bad hoping for it to change.Life doesn't work that way.What's guaranteed is things will change.Us and circumstances determine whether for better or worse....I haven't felt so at peace in a long long long time. My life isn't perfect(no one's is and yes it could be better) bt as it is it's pretty damn good :)
11/7/2011- Back at work today.Tues-fri 8th had 4 days off work and was in Edinburgh. Bus fares 1.30 single, 3.20 day ticket..Not much has changed in 2 yrs...I love my family.
31/7/2011- I'm breaking out of old habits.I don't need to explain everything, probably can't.You don't need grand theories.I'm much more focused on the here & now these days.I can't do everything. I am limited in all sorts of ways - one of the biggest being that I have a limited sphere of influence and limited influence to change the world.I'm pragmatic & pessimistic about political & social change.I'm positive about the small good we can do.... today has been a big day of thinking for me.
*There's a lot of value in just being an average person without fame, massive riches, non academic but smart etc. That is essentially me & I follow my dads model ( to some extent) on that.
(So I continue to ask myself ,what do I wish to do with my life)
8/8/2011 Croydon riots going on.
14/8/2011- Sunday in Brighton.Talked to cool ex-marxist at Brighton church.He's so realistic about politics and open-minded.
19/8/2011- I last felt young in April 2009.I feel like I lost my innocence too after that.
3/9/2011- Andy's party today in Littlehampton...I hate the anti-philosophic attitude that who gives a fuck about philosophy...
15/9/2011- been going out quite a bit.
25/9/2011- On way to Brighton.
Thoughts on God....
3/10/2011- Do I not aspire to anything,anymore?- doesn't feel like it... I'm actually pretty worried about climate change.. The most shocking thing I realized recently is often we don't completely understand ourselves let alone other people -----> I'm not alone in that. I think now,we can't pursue actual happiness it must spontaneously happen?
12/10/2011 wednesday- shit day.
29/10/2011 Saturday- Off to Brighton.Me and [her] broke up on monday 24th oct...Part of me is ok... another part of me is really hurt..Right now don't want sex or a relationship...
27/11/2011- I tried talking to a girl on thursday night.. couldn't find her on Facebook..she didn't seem very interested anyway.
I have to start again.
Occupy Brighton was awesome.Consensus democracy works pretty well...
6/11/2011 sunday 15:54- "She's just as bored as me"
Conservative Catholicism spreads aids- insofar as the pope supports this he acts immorally. We should care about africa as the birthplace of humanity....
9/11/2011 wednesday-showers fixed,yay.Worries about Occupy Brighton.. " Cut war not welfare"
Sunday 20/11/2011- ...Sad though that no one seems interested.. Seems kinda mean.. 'Pep talk'....
24/11/2011- ...had dream of a foreign girl..I'm worried about Occupy Brighton..Was at Littlehampton.. with the crew...Looked like shite which is a recurring theme with me recently...wouldn't let myself feel happy.
"To fuck up is to find adventure"
30/11/2011- Out at Crown,Littlehampton.Thought I was ugly later looked in mirror and I looked alright.Was in optimistic mood... I feel good and what's done is done...need to stop brooding..the engineering to create train tracks in france & london was so impressive.
4/12/2011- ...Thinking Positive... Happy! poem... I KNOW,FORGOT WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY :(
Saturday 10/12/11- Off to Occupy Brighton today.
"wrapped up in my thoughts".
I enjoyed travelling today.
To occupy Brighton.
I'll try to retain my calm but these are frustrations I've had for sometime....
.... After visiting Occupy Brighton today... I've pretty much given up on it as have others It doesn't feel homely anymore.
...Fb status' for today. Free bradley Manning you bastards. OMG! sent a card with glitter on it! evilllll ahhhhh!
Lucy died 15/11 cremated and scattered at Port Seton.
Chasing love is like chasing the wind.
Dearest Edina
Rites of passage
Sunday 25/12/2011 X-mas day- Last x-mas I had a gf & her social group not this year.. Will think of dad,Lucy & Dennis today.Sandy,sam,Judy,josh,Pete,Molly,Missy ,Hammy too. I don't like going out for x-mas much.To me it should just be family & friends round the table at home...Christmas day was good but uneventful.Meal was nice..
Friday| going to Hayleys to look at flats then going to pub.
...Happy 2012
best new years ever!
house party at natalies...
Published 7th Apr 2012
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