deepundergroundpoetry.com
There Eyes Were Watching
In the back..
Of a dark black alley
My life changed...
Completely
He kicked me..
He bit me...
He punched me
I couldnt believe
This was coming from someone
Who used to love me
As My tears they fell
Like Black Rain
Like Black Rain
Like Black Diamonds
From my eyes
Mixing with my blood
As it dried
across my face
and I ran
I ran down that dark black alley
I ran past the church where
God's children were having
choir rehersal...
I screamed...but they kept singing
"What a friend we have in Jesus"
I banged on the door...
But they didnt even hear me..
"All our sins and griefs to bear"
They kept right on singing..
Like I wasnt even there
Yet you found this funny
As you came running up behind me
You said that you would kill me
And noone would ever find me
People saw you beating me..
but they just swerved out of my way
I begged someone to help..
But no one did...
So I just prayed
How could so many people ignore me
WHile Im bleeding in the street
with only a shirt on...
and nothing on my feet
I can still see all thier eyes
AS they watched from windows bare
Whispering what a shame..
But really noone cared
They watched this beast attack me
But did nothing at all
Not even once did they think
Maybe the police should be called
Everyone was too enthralled
With the beating I was taking
and because no one would help
It was my heart along with my bones
That was breaking
ALL there eyes were watching me...
The entire time...
How could they DO NOTHING!
To me .. this is also a crime
Eventhough this ordeal is over
The mental scars are there
Because I still wonder how
Someone could watch ...and still
Not care.
Of a dark black alley
My life changed...
Completely
He kicked me..
He bit me...
He punched me
I couldnt believe
This was coming from someone
Who used to love me
As My tears they fell
Like Black Rain
Like Black Rain
Like Black Diamonds
From my eyes
Mixing with my blood
As it dried
across my face
and I ran
I ran down that dark black alley
I ran past the church where
God's children were having
choir rehersal...
I screamed...but they kept singing
"What a friend we have in Jesus"
I banged on the door...
But they didnt even hear me..
"All our sins and griefs to bear"
They kept right on singing..
Like I wasnt even there
Yet you found this funny
As you came running up behind me
You said that you would kill me
And noone would ever find me
People saw you beating me..
but they just swerved out of my way
I begged someone to help..
But no one did...
So I just prayed
How could so many people ignore me
WHile Im bleeding in the street
with only a shirt on...
and nothing on my feet
I can still see all thier eyes
AS they watched from windows bare
Whispering what a shame..
But really noone cared
They watched this beast attack me
But did nothing at all
Not even once did they think
Maybe the police should be called
Everyone was too enthralled
With the beating I was taking
and because no one would help
It was my heart along with my bones
That was breaking
ALL there eyes were watching me...
The entire time...
How could they DO NOTHING!
To me .. this is also a crime
Eventhough this ordeal is over
The mental scars are there
Because I still wonder how
Someone could watch ...and still
Not care.
Published 7th Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
7th Apr 2012 3:53am
you have been through so much beautiful lady and have lots of heart..i'm so sorry no one came to your aid..hugs on a heart wrenching poem..peace Crim
7th Apr 2012 4:04am
You and your kind words are a greeting to my weathered soul...
I dont know why I remember this.. after I tried so hard to forget..
Thanks for reading
I dont know why I remember this.. after I tried so hard to forget..
Thanks for reading
7th Apr 2012 4:11am
beautiful lady this would stick in any one's heart..hugs your weather soul..peace Crim
Anonymous
7th Apr 2012 1:33pm
Hey Firebyrd. Another horror story from the locker of your life. First and foremost, my sympathies, useless as they may be. No doubt your sense of abandonment from previous life experiences went off the scale at this new atrocity. Again - I'm just sooo sorry.
From a writing perspective it starts well and flows easily to bring us to the climax (the uncaring church imho.) Thereafter it rambles a bit, revealing your sense of confusion/outrage at the injustice of an uncaring world.
May I suggest that you
1. Pare it back as far as you can. No reader can fail to be outraged by this, so there's no need to labour YOUR sense of outrage.
2. Focus more on the unhearing churchgoers. That scene epitomizes the whole poem and its message.
3. Work out what lessons you've learned here, how it has affected you. Are you content just to express your outrage? Are you angry with God because His house was closed to you? Isn't there a lesson that God isn't to be found in high buildings but in human hearts such as Firebyrd's? I fancied, from what I've seen of your spirit, that Firebyrd might like to affirm that despite this beating she remains 'unbeaten' ..? ..but that may a romantic presumption on my part. More presumption with my usual edit for your amusement. Great write. God Bless. R.
Their Eyes Were Watching
In the black..
Of a dark back alley
My life changed...
Completely
He kicked me..
He bit me...
He punched me
I couldn't believe
This was coming from someone
Who used to love me
As my tears they fell
Like Black Rain
Like Black Rain
Like Black Diamonds
From my eyes
Mixing with my blood
As it dried
across my face
and I ran
I ran down that dark black alley
I ran past the church where
God's children were having
choir rehearsal...
I screamed...but they kept singing
"What a friend we have in Jesus"
I banged on the door...
But they didnt even hear me..
"All our sins and griefs to bear"
They kept right on singing..
People saw you beating me..
but they just swerved out of my way
I begged someone to help..
But no one did...
So I just prayed
and the churchgoing folk
just kept singing
and he just kept on
beating me
and everyone kept being
enthralled
With the beating I was taking
and because no one would help
It was my heart along with my bones
That was breaking
ALL their eyes were watching me...
The entire time...
How could they DO NOTHING!
To me .. this is also a crime
Even though this ordeal is over
The mental scars are there
Because I still wonder how
Someone could watch ...and still
Not care.
From a writing perspective it starts well and flows easily to bring us to the climax (the uncaring church imho.) Thereafter it rambles a bit, revealing your sense of confusion/outrage at the injustice of an uncaring world.
May I suggest that you
1. Pare it back as far as you can. No reader can fail to be outraged by this, so there's no need to labour YOUR sense of outrage.
2. Focus more on the unhearing churchgoers. That scene epitomizes the whole poem and its message.
3. Work out what lessons you've learned here, how it has affected you. Are you content just to express your outrage? Are you angry with God because His house was closed to you? Isn't there a lesson that God isn't to be found in high buildings but in human hearts such as Firebyrd's? I fancied, from what I've seen of your spirit, that Firebyrd might like to affirm that despite this beating she remains 'unbeaten' ..? ..but that may a romantic presumption on my part. More presumption with my usual edit for your amusement. Great write. God Bless. R.
Their Eyes Were Watching
In the black..
Of a dark back alley
My life changed...
Completely
He kicked me..
He bit me...
He punched me
I couldn't believe
This was coming from someone
Who used to love me
As my tears they fell
Like Black Rain
Like Black Rain
Like Black Diamonds
From my eyes
Mixing with my blood
As it dried
across my face
and I ran
I ran down that dark black alley
I ran past the church where
God's children were having
choir rehearsal...
I screamed...but they kept singing
"What a friend we have in Jesus"
I banged on the door...
But they didnt even hear me..
"All our sins and griefs to bear"
They kept right on singing..
People saw you beating me..
but they just swerved out of my way
I begged someone to help..
But no one did...
So I just prayed
and the churchgoing folk
just kept singing
and he just kept on
beating me
and everyone kept being
enthralled
With the beating I was taking
and because no one would help
It was my heart along with my bones
That was breaking
ALL their eyes were watching me...
The entire time...
How could they DO NOTHING!
To me .. this is also a crime
Even though this ordeal is over
The mental scars are there
Because I still wonder how
Someone could watch ...and still
Not care.
9th Apr 2012 1:20am
Red.... You are my poetic frind indeed!
I always contemplate your critques with care and
reverence.Thankyou for that introspective view
I know I need to look into my heart a little more
sometimes in moments of weakness
I have that elaborate pity party for one!
Thanks so much for your kind words and critique
I always contemplate your critques with care and
reverence.Thankyou for that introspective view
I know I need to look into my heart a little more
sometimes in moments of weakness
I have that elaborate pity party for one!
Thanks so much for your kind words and critique
