deepundergroundpoetry.com
Green Bay
Who is to say that our souls do not bleed?
Holding back tears like we were taught
Will we ever shed all the crystal beads?
Before we sit in our own withered rot
But if I was to lie in my dismay
Cherried pools of pit insecurity
You'd always carry me down to Green Bay
And accept all of my impurity
How long can I dance in your acid rain?
Bring forth provision; long I've to await
Interlock hands and I'll tangle our veins
Can I assume that this could be our fate?
Feeling each other's neurotic effects
Before I experience unborn vex
Holding back tears like we were taught
Will we ever shed all the crystal beads?
Before we sit in our own withered rot
But if I was to lie in my dismay
Cherried pools of pit insecurity
You'd always carry me down to Green Bay
And accept all of my impurity
How long can I dance in your acid rain?
Bring forth provision; long I've to await
Interlock hands and I'll tangle our veins
Can I assume that this could be our fate?
Feeling each other's neurotic effects
Before I experience unborn vex
Published 17th Jan 2023
Author's Note
A (bittersweet) love sonnet I had to write for an English Class of mine. Hope you all enjoy it.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 12
reads 457
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Jan 2023 9:27pm
That's a first rate sonnet, and that tangled veins line is a synchronicity moment for me since I had just tabbed over from a PUBLIC DOMAIN REVIEW article titled "The Science of Life and Death in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein...by Sharon Ruston.
Your sonnet definitely has an awesome gothic feel to it and there's surely a metaphor to be had in breathing life into the various reassembled body parts of any poem, and I declare your whole sonnet to be fully resuscitated, or better yet, I will melodramatically declare...IT'S ALIVE...just like in the movie!
You deserve an A+
Your sonnet definitely has an awesome gothic feel to it and there's surely a metaphor to be had in breathing life into the various reassembled body parts of any poem, and I declare your whole sonnet to be fully resuscitated, or better yet, I will melodramatically declare...IT'S ALIVE...just like in the movie!
You deserve an A+
17th Jan 2023 10:28pm
Wow. this comment was so heartwarming to read, especially from you! the SONNETEER. Thanks so much for your words, I'm glad that you liked it.
18th Jan 2023 1:28am
18th Jan 2023 10:43am
26th Jan 2023 11:33am
26th Jan 2023 2:19pm
No, they rhymed. I just changed some of my lines to make it feel more coordinated to me
26th Jan 2023 2:22pm
18th May 2023 11:17pm
19th May 2023 3:05pm
20th May 2023 3:32pm
30th Aug 2023 4:07pm
Hoi hoi
Hope this finds you well…..
I travelled at the time you posted this one, so I overlooked it.
Really sorry, because I like it a lot.
So I hope you won’t give up on us.
And keep on doing what you do.
Thankyou for posting!
Kind regards, Gus
Hope this finds you well…..
I travelled at the time you posted this one, so I overlooked it.
Really sorry, because I like it a lot.
So I hope you won’t give up on us.
And keep on doing what you do.
Thankyou for posting!
Kind regards, Gus
30th Aug 2023 4:34pm
I'm so glad you liked it. I haven't made a poem in a while so people like you really make me more motivated! ^^
