I guess I’ll just write about it then…

 

I can feel my heart beating in my chest,
And yes, I know that should feel normal, I guess,
Except…
It’s not beating,
It’s throbbing, no wait actually it’s pounding,
In a rhythm, that I don’t have a grasp on yet…

I can hear myself think during the day, and even more at night.
And again, I know it’s normal, and I should be fine,
Except…
The voice that I hear isn’t mine,
And I’m not sure if I can call what I hear thoughts or,
Shots fired to the target that is my fragile mind…

I hear ringing in my ears, almost like I hit my head,
I didn’t, I’m sure and I would be fine, if only this ringingly didn’t make me wish I were dead…
And sometimes, all these things make me so nervous my palms sweat,
And more often than not,
It gets so suffocating, I can barely catch my breath…

And if I’m ever asked if I’m okay,
I’m not sure I’ll know what to say,
Or if I should start with the fact that I’m going insane,
Or how I don’t know how to make all this stop,
Or that I can’t shake this pain,
Because it’s the only real feeling I’ve got…

I can feel my heart beating or throbbing or pounding in my chest,
And I keep fighting this strange voice in my head,
And the ringing in me ears has got me praying for death,
And I can’t hold on to anything because of my fucking palm sweat,
I can’t talk about it because the lump in my throat has taken more then just my breath,
I’m falling apart but,
I guess I’ll just write about it then….

-Nachii