Quiet Quitting

At an age
when friends were starting to retire
i went back into full-time teaching

i don't have a linear brain
i haven't had a linear career
i'm a triple Sagittarius
with ADD
until i was 40
i thought i'd be rich all my life
I haven't had a normal life
but I like to write
and its given me a story
That's nice and everything
but i'd rather have a normal brain
and money

the first year was hell
the next two
bearable
but stressful
going home exhausted
papers needing grading
lesson plans to do
behavior issue phone calls to parents
no time during the day
worrying all weekend
working half the weekend
finding milk cartons behind unshelved books
students can't be bothered
breakfast in the classroom
cutting into planning time
school claims they are trying to hire paras
but can't find any
sure

i have before school duty
recess and lunch duty once a week
20 minute lunch on an average day
use most of it to get things done

when the 8th grade English teacher and i met
we instantly liked each other
he liked my Hank Hill impersonation
i liked his calm steady presence
he seemed unflappable
happy from the inside
now
with almost half the year gone
the light is gone from his eyes

early in the year
talk of 'Fleegering' was a joke
Fleeger was the last name of a new teacher
who quit after six weeks last year
i turned his name into a verb
"Ugh, my class has been terrible. I seriously want to Fleeger."
it was giggle-worthy at first
now it's not

This is going to be my last year teaching
said the 8th grade English teacher
33 years old
his voice has a flat quality now
worn down
defeated

i'd recently learned the phrase
quiet quitting

showing up for work
doing just enough
hating it
but not leaving

yet

i'm not sure i'm capable
of quiet quitting
i'm stubborn
and letting corporate fat cats down is one thing
twelve year old kids
another
so my quiet quitting
is much like my suicide ideation
not an active plan
just something I like to know is there

in case I desperately need it