What If...

(Written for the "What If" Comp)

What if I’d followed my faith to suicide?
To try and find some misguided redemption
From all the things I cannot choose
What if I’d believed those words?
That I am cursed… evil
And destined for an eternity in hell
What if I’d tried to deny?
My own reality and tried to fix
What was never wrong
What if the very first attempt
To end my own life had succeeded
At the age of fifteen?
What if I’d lost all hope?
And pulled the trigger
As the metal pressed against my temple
What if I’d died?
Never having been touched
By a hand that loved me
Believing that I wasn’t worthy
Of life and love and happiness

What a sad life that would have been
To die a statistic, alone in the dark
Blood and bones and innards splattered against a wall...
A victim of religious persecution
In the name of backhanded love
That teaches hate as kindness

And what if I found out later
In the void of the afterlife  
That there was no judgmental God anyway?
What would have been the point of it all?
When I could have had a life
That was free...
What if...

© Indie Adams 2012