deepundergroundpoetry.com
THOSE WHO WERE HERE
THOSE WHO WERE HERE
If only l had known how dear they were to me,
I would have served them with all my strength and my might,
and I'd have given them all what they liked and wished
while l was kneeling down on my sore bleeding knees.
I feel how much l loved their presence in my life.
They brought me full delight which l miss so much now.
I think of them and find my sight begins to blur.
I wipe my tears before someone can see my eyes.
But now, l have their sons and daughters beside me.
I feel they are as dear and hurry to get near.
I kiss them not with lips, but with my heart and soul
as l see those who cared for them how dear they are.
They make me feel that man is precious and is great.
His greatness resides in the fact that he's fragile.
The Lord has allowed death to reap the human beings
not just to have them close, but make them loved so much.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
If only l had known how dear they were to me,
I would have served them with all my strength and my might,
and I'd have given them all what they liked and wished
while l was kneeling down on my sore bleeding knees.
I feel how much l loved their presence in my life.
They brought me full delight which l miss so much now.
I think of them and find my sight begins to blur.
I wipe my tears before someone can see my eyes.
But now, l have their sons and daughters beside me.
I feel they are as dear and hurry to get near.
I kiss them not with lips, but with my heart and soul
as l see those who cared for them how dear they are.
They make me feel that man is precious and is great.
His greatness resides in the fact that he's fragile.
The Lord has allowed death to reap the human beings
not just to have them close, but make them loved so much.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 15th Nov 2022
| Edited 16th Nov 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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"I would have srved them with all my strength and my might."
served
"I would have given them all what they'd liked and wished
"
all that they liked
"while l'd been kneeling down on my sore bleeding knees."
I was kneeling
"I feel how much l loved their presence in my life.
They give me full delight which l miss so much now."
they gave me
"The Lord has allowed death to reap the human beings"
to reap*** all human beings.
*** to cut with a sickle, scythe, or reaping machine
served
"I would have given them all what they'd liked and wished
"
all that they liked
"while l'd been kneeling down on my sore bleeding knees."
I was kneeling
"I feel how much l loved their presence in my life.
They give me full delight which l miss so much now."
they gave me
"The Lord has allowed death to reap the human beings"
to reap*** all human beings.
*** to cut with a sickle, scythe, or reaping machine
I see that you've changed the wording of a number of your lines according to some of my notes about how poorly written they were -- which is an implicit admission that your grasp of English is not as great as you have often claimed it is.
I note now another reason for saying this -- namely, how limited your vocabulary is. Consider how often you've used the word "much" in your piece:
"I feel **how much** l loved their presence in my life. "
"They brought me full delight which l miss **so much** now. "
"not just to have them close, but make them loved **so much**"
And I see that you have not yet rid yourself of your habit of employing deixis"
"The Lord has allowed death to reap **the human beings"". Which ones?
I note now another reason for saying this -- namely, how limited your vocabulary is. Consider how often you've used the word "much" in your piece:
"I feel **how much** l loved their presence in my life. "
"They brought me full delight which l miss **so much** now. "
"not just to have them close, but make them loved **so much**"
And I see that you have not yet rid yourself of your habit of employing deixis"
"The Lord has allowed death to reap **the human beings"". Which ones?
