deepundergroundpoetry.com
fantasy
She's heartbreak waiting to happen
can't see any moment past this one
sends me videos of herself
when she's wasted
and has OD'd twice this month
People tell me I should know better
than to love a bad girl
not that I see her that way
and maybe that's my mistake
that I see her as reflection of my past self
someone struggling to find themselves
while they're drowning in chaos
And I almost feel guilty for doing okay
while she's falling apart
and I know I need to keep her
at arms length so she doesn't use me
as the life raft I seem to look like
It's easier to love her at a distance
knowing her next OD might be her last
or that the latest assault charge
might send her to prison
It's not my job to keep her alive
but I'll go for coffee and sushi
and pretend like the way she lives her life
doesn't scare me
And I'll stick around through
every crazy high and low
until she either finds a way out
or her way under
because true friends are hard to find
and even if she thinks she isn't worth it
loving her is worth the pain
© Indie Adams 2022
can't see any moment past this one
sends me videos of herself
when she's wasted
and has OD'd twice this month
People tell me I should know better
than to love a bad girl
not that I see her that way
and maybe that's my mistake
that I see her as reflection of my past self
someone struggling to find themselves
while they're drowning in chaos
And I almost feel guilty for doing okay
while she's falling apart
and I know I need to keep her
at arms length so she doesn't use me
as the life raft I seem to look like
It's easier to love her at a distance
knowing her next OD might be her last
or that the latest assault charge
might send her to prison
It's not my job to keep her alive
but I'll go for coffee and sushi
and pretend like the way she lives her life
doesn't scare me
And I'll stick around through
every crazy high and low
until she either finds a way out
or her way under
because true friends are hard to find
and even if she thinks she isn't worth it
loving her is worth the pain
© Indie Adams 2022
Published 10th Nov 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
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comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th Nov 2022 8:43am
Almost every human is worth investing in, but even generosity has its limits.
Meanwhile, your experience and subsequent sound judgement is available to her if she wants it.
You are doing what you can, and should be commended for it.
Meanwhile, your experience and subsequent sound judgement is available to her if she wants it.
You are doing what you can, and should be commended for it.
Thank you Midnight Sonneteer. I understand addiction, so sometimes people get a free pass for bad decisions, but it really depends on the person and the situation. But you're also right, there's a limit to how much a person can give, and the trick is to be there without to losing yourself.
10th Nov 2022 10:03am
Dear I,
How well and poignantly you capture in your write the insidious mess of addiction. Trying to love with detachment, well I think it’s so difficult because you love them. I really appreciated this poem for its reality, and admire the loyalty between the two friends. May they both be blessed and healed. Great and important write. H🌷
How well and poignantly you capture in your write the insidious mess of addiction. Trying to love with detachment, well I think it’s so difficult because you love them. I really appreciated this poem for its reality, and admire the loyalty between the two friends. May they both be blessed and healed. Great and important write. H🌷
11th Nov 2022 2:51am
10th Nov 2022 11:53pm
I so very identify with this. I've been living this out and it is exhausting.....
11th Nov 2022 2:53am
It is exhausting loving someone who can't love themselves, while trying to keep some distance and not lose yourself in the process. Knowing we can't save people, only love them is one of the hardest things I've had to accept.
