deepundergroundpoetry.com
A GOOD WARNING
A GOOD WARNING
I perceive my life should have a task.
Each one comes to earth with his own charge.
People get the strength to reap their joy
through the calmness which their souls adore.
How can l obtain the tranquil soul
that can shun the pain of burning flame?
Nothing can confer a state so calm
save a feeling that my task is done.
How can man endure the scorch of hell
that will destroy his exhausted nerves
when he feels that time is passing by
and his duty is still not performed?
Man, your heaven starts from life on earth.
Duty is the key that gives you glee.
When you feel your nerves begin to burn,
that's a warning of a bad result.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
I perceive my life should have a task.
Each one comes to earth with his own charge.
People get the strength to reap their joy
through the calmness which their souls adore.
How can l obtain the tranquil soul
that can shun the pain of burning flame?
Nothing can confer a state so calm
save a feeling that my task is done.
How can man endure the scorch of hell
that will destroy his exhausted nerves
when he feels that time is passing by
and his duty is still not performed?
Man, your heaven starts from life on earth.
Duty is the key that gives you glee.
When you feel your nerves begin to burn,
that's a warning of a bad result.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 23rd Oct 2022
| Edited 25th Oct 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 11
reads 271
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th Oct 2022 4:30pm
So the price of not doing -the task one is obliged to do by the circumstances into which he/she is born is to be sent to hell?
I guess then that those 20th-century German-born men who refused to do what was universally proclaimed in the place and time into which they "had come" to be the duty all German citizens were obliged to affirm as theirs have been sent to hell.
Your sentence "through the calmness that the soul resides" is both solecistic and conceptual nonsense since it says that souls situate calmness. But the verb "reside" is intransitive and for your claim about what it is through which people get their joy to make sense, it should have been written, "through the calmness **in which** the soul resides".
I guess then that those 20th-century German-born men who refused to do what was universally proclaimed in the place and time into which they "had come" to be the duty all German citizens were obliged to affirm as theirs have been sent to hell.
Your sentence "through the calmness that the soul resides" is both solecistic and conceptual nonsense since it says that souls situate calmness. But the verb "reside" is intransitive and for your claim about what it is through which people get their joy to make sense, it should have been written, "through the calmness **in which** the soul resides".
24th Oct 2022 8:32pm
24th Oct 2022 10:02pm
You should note four things:
First, that given the wording and the syntax of your opening lines, the antecedent of "each one" in "Each one comes to earth with his own charge" is "task".
Second, that the expression "one comes to earth" is what one writes when the intention is to express the idea that someone has chosen to make the journey from some place in outer space to earth, especially if the referent of "one" is a person. So if you meant to say, "All people have been charged at birth with a task" you haven't done so.
Third, that you contradict yourself in your opening lines. If it's true that every person is charged at birth with a task, it's nonsense to say that you perceive that you **should** have what by your nature as a person you **already** have. What it is that you think you should perceive is what the nature of your (God?) given task is.
Fourth, the rest of your sermon is also clumsily written and, more importantly, hardly makes the (question-begging) point that you are apparently trying to make, namely, that certain experiences brought about when one does not do his assigned duty not only are warnings that a person is a candidate for hell, but are good ones that this is so.
First, that given the wording and the syntax of your opening lines, the antecedent of "each one" in "Each one comes to earth with his own charge" is "task".
Second, that the expression "one comes to earth" is what one writes when the intention is to express the idea that someone has chosen to make the journey from some place in outer space to earth, especially if the referent of "one" is a person. So if you meant to say, "All people have been charged at birth with a task" you haven't done so.
Third, that you contradict yourself in your opening lines. If it's true that every person is charged at birth with a task, it's nonsense to say that you perceive that you **should** have what by your nature as a person you **already** have. What it is that you think you should perceive is what the nature of your (God?) given task is.
Fourth, the rest of your sermon is also clumsily written and, more importantly, hardly makes the (question-begging) point that you are apparently trying to make, namely, that certain experiences brought about when one does not do his assigned duty not only are warnings that a person is a candidate for hell, but are good ones that this is so.
24th Oct 2022 11:03pm
I see that you took my remark that it is wrong to say, as you did, that souls situate things since the verb "reside" is intransitive to heart. I guess that means that you acknowledge that my claim that your grasp of English is not as firm as you claim it is and that you sometimes write poorly is a valid one.
In any case, I want to ask you whether the charge you say "Each one comes to earth with" is positive or negative.
In any case, I want to ask you whether the charge you say "Each one comes to earth with" is positive or negative.
25th Oct 2022 12:39pm
Very dear Baldwin,
It is very kind of you to tell me about your reaction to my poem. Of course, l take your comments very seriously. Thank you for your great efforts.
Of course our charges are positive because we complete the way begun by Jesus Christ. However, if we don't complete them, we won't feel the happiness that we have been created for.
It is very kind of you to tell me about your reaction to my poem. Of course, l take your comments very seriously. Thank you for your great efforts.
Of course our charges are positive because we complete the way begun by Jesus Christ. However, if we don't complete them, we won't feel the happiness that we have been created for.
25th Oct 2022 2:38pm
"Of course our charges are positive because we complete the way begun by Jesus Christ. However, if we don't complete them, we won't feel the happiness that we have been created for."
I was asking about the nature of the electrical charge the ones who come to the world have when they do so. You speak about the outcome of fulfilling a commission to follow Jesus results in.
25th Oct 2022 3:04pm
Baldwin, l mean by CHARGE, responsibility. It seems to me you don't understand the poem altogether. Is it possible? What are you trying to do?
25th Oct 2022 5:10pm
"It seems to me you don't understand the poem altogether."
It seems to me that you are incapable of seeing what you actually convey, let alone what you might be taken as intending to convey, when you say things like "each one comes into the world with a charge" and that if your submissions are not understood (whether partially or all together), it's because of the way you have worded them, not because of any deficiency of perception on the part of a reader.
In fact, you admitted that **you** make what you are trying to say in your submissions not understandable because of the way you word them when you changed the wording of the second line of "A Good Warning" from "through the calmness that the soul resides" to "through the calmness which their souls adore".
And it is simply not true that a person already has responsibilities at his or her time of birth, even assuming he/she was not born with an irreversibly damaged brain.
It seems to me that you are incapable of seeing what you actually convey, let alone what you might be taken as intending to convey, when you say things like "each one comes into the world with a charge" and that if your submissions are not understood (whether partially or all together), it's because of the way you have worded them, not because of any deficiency of perception on the part of a reader.
In fact, you admitted that **you** make what you are trying to say in your submissions not understandable because of the way you word them when you changed the wording of the second line of "A Good Warning" from "through the calmness that the soul resides" to "through the calmness which their souls adore".
And it is simply not true that a person already has responsibilities at his or her time of birth, even assuming he/she was not born with an irreversibly damaged brain.
25th Oct 2022 5:43pm
"Duty is the key that gives you glee. "
Perhaps you'll tell that to the men who did "their duty" during the Viet Nam war and as a result of that have been plagued with guilt and PTSD.
Perhaps you'll tell that to the men who did "their duty" during the Viet Nam war and as a result of that have been plagued with guilt and PTSD.
Some other observations about how you've worded this piece goes far to explain why a reader would find this piece unintelligible.
"People get the strength to reap their joy
through the calmness which their souls adore. "
Do people need strength to "reap" joy? If it's true that one reaps what one sows, then all one needs to "reap" joy is to sow it. And if strength is required to do so, do people get it through calmness, let alone through a particular type of calmness (i.e., the one that non-material things, but not that flesh and blood persons, adore?
"How can man endure the scorch of hell
that will destroy his exhausted nerves "
Whether you realize it or not, what you are saying here is that a man need not worry about how he can endure the scorch of hell if his nerves are not ones that are exhausted. Moreover, why would "man" have exhausted nerves if he never made any effort to try to do his duty?
"People get the strength to reap their joy
through the calmness which their souls adore. "
Do people need strength to "reap" joy? If it's true that one reaps what one sows, then all one needs to "reap" joy is to sow it. And if strength is required to do so, do people get it through calmness, let alone through a particular type of calmness (i.e., the one that non-material things, but not that flesh and blood persons, adore?
"How can man endure the scorch of hell
that will destroy his exhausted nerves "
Whether you realize it or not, what you are saying here is that a man need not worry about how he can endure the scorch of hell if his nerves are not ones that are exhausted. Moreover, why would "man" have exhausted nerves if he never made any effort to try to do his duty?
28th Oct 2022 6:14pm
I know that I am tasked
though choices I have freely made
with following the ways of Jesus Christ
I’m worried though,
since this, perchance,
involves my braving
for his Gospel’s sake
my death upon a cross
or in a place of spectacle,
that I,
when hard fact faced
with this
and all the suffering
it might be prefaced by ,’
would find myself
a man among the weak,
that is to say,
as one who lacked
the strength of mind and will
to see his duty done
believing that it’s best
for me
to run away
from seeing through
all that, as Peter did
when told within a farewell meal
he would, before the night was out,
three times abjure
the one who he just heard
proclaim to be embodied in
a broken loaf of bread,***
have pledged myself
to do
despite my knowledge that
as consequence I’d quite
be overcome
with guilt and grief
as Peter was
when he denied
the charge
that he once claimed
that Jesus was his Lord.
***Mark 14:27-31
“You will all fall away,” Jesus told them, “for it is written:
“‘I will strike the shepherd,
and the sheep will be scattered.’[d]
28 But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”
29 Peter declared, “Even if all fall away, I will not.”
30 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “today—yes, tonight—before the rooster crows twice[e] you yourself will disown me three times.”
31 But Peter insisted emphatically, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the others said the same.
though choices I have freely made
with following the ways of Jesus Christ
I’m worried though,
since this, perchance,
involves my braving
for his Gospel’s sake
my death upon a cross
or in a place of spectacle,
that I,
when hard fact faced
with this
and all the suffering
it might be prefaced by ,’
would find myself
a man among the weak,
that is to say,
as one who lacked
the strength of mind and will
to see his duty done
believing that it’s best
for me
to run away
from seeing through
all that, as Peter did
when told within a farewell meal
he would, before the night was out,
three times abjure
the one who he just heard
proclaim to be embodied in
a broken loaf of bread,***
have pledged myself
to do
despite my knowledge that
as consequence I’d quite
be overcome
with guilt and grief
as Peter was
when he denied
the charge
that he once claimed
that Jesus was his Lord.
***Mark 14:27-31
“You will all fall away,” Jesus told them, “for it is written:
“‘I will strike the shepherd,
and the sheep will be scattered.’[d]
28 But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”
29 Peter declared, “Even if all fall away, I will not.”
30 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “today—yes, tonight—before the rooster crows twice[e] you yourself will disown me three times.”
31 But Peter insisted emphatically, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the others said the same.
