deepundergroundpoetry.com
What have I done?
What have I done?
This is no fun
All I did was try my best
But only came to a bigger mess
I didn't mean for any of this
I didn't want to cut my wrists
Warm is the blood the trickles down
Making red puddles on the ground
What did I do?
Well I wish I knew
I had to of done something
Is it pain that I bring?
Nobody will tell me why
I guess I'm just a failure in your eyes
I just want it to go away
Please tell me the price I have to pay
Is it that bad?
Do I make you that mad?
Don't just let me hang here
Nobody tells me over the years
There has to be a reasoning
I'm sick of the teasing
I can't take this pain anymore
My heart is so sore
I guess there's nothing more to say
There goes another day
Well if you won't tell me why
It's time to say goodbye
This is no fun
All I did was try my best
But only came to a bigger mess
I didn't mean for any of this
I didn't want to cut my wrists
Warm is the blood the trickles down
Making red puddles on the ground
What did I do?
Well I wish I knew
I had to of done something
Is it pain that I bring?
Nobody will tell me why
I guess I'm just a failure in your eyes
I just want it to go away
Please tell me the price I have to pay
Is it that bad?
Do I make you that mad?
Don't just let me hang here
Nobody tells me over the years
There has to be a reasoning
I'm sick of the teasing
I can't take this pain anymore
My heart is so sore
I guess there's nothing more to say
There goes another day
Well if you won't tell me why
It's time to say goodbye
Published 27th Mar 2012
| Edited 22nd Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 12
reads 913
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Mar 2012 1:03am
I sincerely hope that writing this was cathartic. As sad as it might make me feel my guess is it is nothing compared to what you WERE feeling. (emphasis on "were" as in past tense)
I also hope you will give us a chance to read more of your words...
I also hope you will give us a chance to read more of your words...
28th Mar 2012 1:09am
28th Mar 2012 1:13am
28th Mar 2012 2:12am
the first thing i thought about when i read the title of this poem was jack skellington draped bodily over a concrete angel, his santa suit falling away in smoldering tatters. but nonetheless a good read, well done
28th Mar 2012 5:47pm
28th Mar 2012 5:52pm
The words flow really well and the stanzas are sperated makes it easier to read. Great job!
30th Mar 2012 10:59pm
this is good, but a tad drawn out. Maybe switching up the rhyme scheme or using more powerful words would have helped. but good job never the less. :)
Look, I know that this is a website called Deep Underground Poetry, and I shouldn't let this bother me anymore. I don't know why this little poem caught my attention or I have such strong feelings about it, most likely the large amount of comments, but there is something that I feel I just have to get off my chest. I can see real emotion and a tad bit of passion in this poem, but the half baked rhymes, the bland wording and the trite presentation just piss me off. I'm not going to call this constructive criticism, because that would imply that I was had something worth listening to, or that I know what the hell I'm talking about. This is your first poem so I'll just take it that you had to let this one out, as most first time poets do. All in all I feel that you could of done a hell of a lot better.
15th Apr 2012 3:17am
I think this was really well written.
I like how you are able to get a picture of how things may have played out.
Please, keep writing.
I like how you are able to get a picture of how things may have played out.
Please, keep writing.
Anonymous
17th Apr 2012 1:51am
<< post removed >>
17th Apr 2012 1:53am
