It's So Hard to Talk to You

My mind spins, and spins, like a wheel,
My pen strikes paper like flint and steel,
Casting off sparks, but lighting no flame,
Trying to write words that don't feel lame,
Trying to write lines that stick,
It's not an easy trick,
Trying to properly describe how I feel,
Leaving my head to reel,
Nothing seems quite exquisite enough,
Nothing quite descriptive enough,
To get across the way I see you,
The rose colored tint through which I see you.
In the dark of the night,
I draw slivers of glowing light,
As I put pen to paper,
I rack my brain, my vernacular,
Hoping I don't have a dumb sounding demeanor,
I put myself to the test, and try my best,
To put my mind at rest.
Cast out on this sea of uncertainty,
My petrified heart beating heavily,
As I try to navigate my little raft,
I write rough draft, after rough draft,
Trying to pen the perfect lines,
Praying to the divines.
I try so hard to think of what to say,
But then comes the light of day,
And I see you and I just freeze,
Oh, how I wish this was but a breeze!
From what I have seen,
The way you've looked, acted, and been,
You're kind, goofy, cute, shy, and downright beautiful,
If I had the guts, I'd give you an earful
Of reasons why I think you're awesome,
But my fear is far too nettlesome,
The only reason I stay at this job is to see you,
And yet I can't even talk to you!
The people here are nice, but I don't like this job,
I've tried so hard not to sob,
It's physically draining, but then I see your smile,
And that makes it all worthwhile.
I want so badly to say hello,
To just bask in your gleeful glow,
And to get to know more about you,
I have a confession, this is true,
My feelings are so complicated,
I'm deathly terrified I'll sound stupid
And make a bad impression to, or in front of you,
Which is why I freeze and barely say hi to you,
You make me feel both joy and nervousness,
Both flustered and awkwardness,
Determined, and yet breathless,
It's absolutely ludicrous!
I'm twenty-five for gods sakes!
I should be over these kinds of nerves, and able to make mistakes,
But around you I can't,
I clam up, and become shaky in the hand,
A physical reaction,
An inability for words or action.
I wish I could squeeze you in a big hug, and look you in the eye,
Give you a big smile, and just sigh,
But alas, I am too shy to even say anything,
I'm so infuriated with myself, my heart it does sting.
I just want to be your safe space,
A comforting embrace,
Your encouragement, and an ear to listen,
Nothing inappropriate, lewd, or wanton,
I just wish I could be extra nice to you,
And be a comforting face to you,
To push you to do your best,
And to be the place where you take a break and rest,
And vice versa,
Where you can unload your day's drama,
And I can be your umbrella,
Or I can vent my frustration,
And get some words of kind consideration.
Wouldn't that be nice?
To look into those gigantic, dark, eyes
And know there's a beating heart
Behind them, that cares for my beating heart?
To make you laugh, and to find out if these feelings could be mutual,
Or at the very least, stay friends and still cordial.
I wish I could say, or at the very least write
All the words that feel so right,
And tell you all that I'm afraid to say.

...But it's just so DAMN hard to even say anything mundane!