tenuous

 
there is something off inside me
a dull ache I can't make leave
an uneasiness, I just don't feel right

my spirit guide says tap into the dark
I answer I don't want to
it flood me before
taking little pieces of me with its deluge

I deny this part of me
preferring to do without
then to fulfill its desire

control is key to me
I have so little of it in my grasp
so I hold tight to what I can

my sanity is precious to me
I fight hard to keep the spirits at bay
focusing my energies I block them out
I know they're there but I silence them with my thoughts
to connect with them would be to relinquish my tenuous hold

my creativity has diminished
I feel disconnected slightly from the rest of the world
but I am the one in power inside myself

I wonder if I'm fully me without the demons?