Brain Freeze

I feel like a piece of shit that needs to be flushed. I feel depressed, all my hopes are crushed. Can't believe I lost my job over a brain freeze. I lost control over the wheel and it's eating me alive like a disease. They say things happen for a reason. But all I have been seeing is rain this season. I thought about suicide like really why I'm here? I escaped death 3 times and I won't disappear. I'm asking God what my purpose is. Because life is hard, it will test you like a quiz. I'm looking out my window and I see nothing. I just wanna keep my eyes closed and continue sleeping.